IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

There is no denying the fact that, in recent years, the number of health problems related to
obesity
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 has become a topic of increasing concern in today's world.
This
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 reflects an essential truth about unhealthy habits
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individuals
Correct pronoun usage
that individuals
show examples
 engage in, which harm their bodies. In the following paragraphs, I will examine the key points and provide relevant examples to support the discussion. First and foremost,
people
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 nowadays are less active, spending hours sitting on a chair and not engaging in physical activities.
In addition
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, fast food outlets are now everywhere
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are easy to access.
Consequently
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,
individuals
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 can place orders via applications with one click. To exemplify,
people
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 usually do not pay attention to details, not caring about how many calories or how much sugar the meal contains, especially after a long day of work.
For instance
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, an employee who does not prepare his meals before work will simply open his phone and scroll through applications to make an order.
However
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, there are several effective solutions that can help lower
obesity
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 rates in society. To tackle
this
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 problem,
people
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 need to be aware of the risks that come with overweight-related health problems and start preparing their meals
while
Linking Words
 focusing on choosing nutrient-rich food for their strength and well-being. 
Furthermore
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,
individuals
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 should incorporate regular physical activity into their daily routine, whether by joining a gym or exercising in public parks. In fact, establishing a consistent schedule that includes healthy eating and daily movement can greatly reduce the likelihood of
obesity
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. In conclusion, by understanding the causes of
obesity
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 and applying practical solutions,
people
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 can address
this
Linking Words
 issue more effectively. It is
also
Linking Words
 important for
individuals
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 to take their health seriously and make better lifestyle choices.

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task response
Add more facts or numbers about weight gain and disease to back up points.
structure
Have a clear plan in the intro and a brief wrap up in the conclusion.
coherence
Link ideas better with words like because, so, as a result, and use connecting phrases.
language
Keep sentences short and each paragraph has one main idea.
content
Give more examples that show causes and the fix in more detail.
structure
Clear plan in topic and good end in the conclusion.
content
Shows how people eat and how apps make orders.
language
Uses basic words well to tell the story.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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