Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

A highly controversial issue today relates to whether

competition

Use synonyms

in schools affects pupils negatively or not. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I am going to examine

this

Linking Words

question from both points of view, and

then

Linking Words

explain my opinion. First of all, there are people who argue that

this

Linking Words

kind of

competition

Use synonyms

has a great influence on

children

Use synonyms

regarding their performance in their studies. The main reason for believing

this

Linking Words

is that

parents

Use synonyms

think that

children

Use synonyms

when they see their classmates scoring higher grades,

Linking Words

this

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

will motivate the

children

Use synonyms

to do extra hard work in their studies to score more.

Moreover

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

think that students who take their studies more seriously will get rewarded for their results. To illustrate, when I was a school student my

parents

Use synonyms

always told me to study harder in order to surpass my friend's score, and

this

Linking Words

gave me a sense of motivation because in the

end

Add a comma

end,

show examples

I knew that I would get rewarded for my hard work.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, others believe that

children

Use synonyms

put in a highly competitive environment make the results turn bad for them.

This

Linking Words

is because, students will experience an enormous amount of pressure that a school student cannot handle, so they

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not know when and how to start, and

this

Linking Words

will make the student absentminded.

For example

Linking Words

, one of my classmates in the past used to experience

such

Linking Words

events. His

parents

Use synonyms

used to tell him to study harder in order to be a doctor, but

this

Linking Words

thing has put him under some sort of pressure that made him distracted. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their reasons. On balance,

however

Linking Words

, my opinion is that being put in a high

competition

Use synonyms

makes you want to achieve more, but there must be some sort of reward in the end to get motivated for

such

Linking Words

competition

Use synonyms

Submitted by osama2010b on Wed Nov 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Ensure to address each aspect of the prompt clearly and provide a more balanced view on the given topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks some consistency in maintaining a clear and coherent structure. Try to organize the ideas in a more logical and consistent manner throughout the essay.

lexical resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary and lacks variety in expressions. Try to incorporate more diverse and precise vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

The essay contains various grammatical errors and lacks complexity in sentence structure. Strive to use a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure a higher degree of accuracy.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
The global sugar consumption has significantly surged over the past few years, consequently, leading to an increase in health problems. To mitigate this issue, many people advodate that drinks and food products that contain high sugar levels should be made more expensive. I strongly concur with the suggestion as I believe that high costs would discourage people from buying such products.
4
band
The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion
The majority of people think the government is responsible for financial support and taking care of old people. Some of the other things the nation should earn money to take care of themselves when they are getting old. I will discuss both views and I give you my opinion.
7.5
band
Some people say that no one should do the same job forever, others believe that doing the same job is beneficial for the individual company and society. Discuss both views and give you open your opinion.
Securing a job plays an important role in people’s lives. While there is a controversial debate about changing positions or sticking to the same one for a whole time of living and the consequences that may arise from each option, in my opinion making the most effective decision varies from person to person.
6
band
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
In recent times, people prefer to become self-employed rather than work in a corporation. Having flexible working hours and earning more income are the main reasons for them to build their own business, even though they are more likely to spend more time working and have unstable incomes.
<4
band
The most effective way to solve the current traffic and pollution problems in cities is to encourage people to move from the suburbs or countryside into the city centre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people believe that encouraging the movement of citizens from the countryside to the city centre is the ideal option to solve the environmental problems, such as traffic congestion and air pollution. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement, and with this essay, I will discussed the supported statements.

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that no one should do the same job forever, others believe that doing the same job is beneficial for the individual company and society. Discuss both views and give you open your opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

The most effective way to solve the current traffic and pollution problems in cities is to encourage people to move from the suburbs or countryside into the city centre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?