In many places new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the country side. Some people believe that it is more important to protect the country side and not build home there. What is your opinion?
Today,
people
are facing a problem in building a house
. They need land to build a house
so they try to choose the best part of the country. People
must move to the countryside
which still has open areas
to build something. There are positive and negative aspects that are produced from this
condition.
Nowadays, property agents always advertise apartments or hotels to people
in the urban area
. It happens because of the limitation of the land itself. A lot of buildings are built in the urban area
for office or public areas
. Then
, to tackle this
situation, they moved their residence area
to the countryside
. People
have to cut the forest to build houses. Sometimes, the price of building a house
in a rural area
is cheaper than in an urban area
so people
are interested in investing or creating their home. Next,
living in the countryside
gives an opportunity to live with nature so people
will be guaranteed by the fresh air.
On the other hand
, there are some activists who do not agree with this
policy because it is just damaging the environment. Many trees are cut down by the developers to build residential areas
. If this
situation cannot be resolved, it has to be a serious problem. For instance
, the land without trees is not good enough to resist the water flow. As a result
, there will be catastrophic disasters such
as floods, erosion, and so on. Besides
, developers always use fire to clear the trees. This
method is not recommended because it will create wildfire and produce other problems.
To summarize, I agree with the countryside
areas
that are used by people
to build homes. In a polite way, developers or property agents should be aware of the environmental aspects of making the countryside
become a residential area
. They must not use hazardous materials and methods to cut the forests. In the end, I believe it will increase the opportunity for people
to have a house
.Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more effective logical structure, as some points appear to be listed without clear connections or transitions. To improve, create stronger topic sentences and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure that the introduction outlines your main points and the conclusion summarizes your opinion effectively without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The supporting points in your main body paragraphs are relevant but lack depth. For higher marks, develop your points further with detailed explanations or examples.
task achievement
Your response answers the prompt, but it could be more complete. Showcase a thorough analysis of the topic by presenting a balanced argument with a clear stance throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the task, yet you need to express them more comprehensively. Wrap up your points by clearly stating why they are important and their implications or consequences.
task achievement
You provided examples, but make sure they are specific and directly relate to your arguments. Use real-life scenarios or hypothetical examples to demonstrate a clear understanding of the subject.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example