Some people say that the best way to reduce crime is by using prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #prison #sentences

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It has become increasingly prevalent for people to opine that utilising

prison

Use synonyms

as punishment can be the best method to alleviate the number of criminals.

While

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this

Linking Words

school of

thoughts

Fix the agreement mistake

thought

show examples

is valid to a certain extent, I am of the viewpoint that there are still

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

some ways equivalent to

prison

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sentences

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. On the one hand, the idea of penalizing is beneficial for several reasons. One advantage is that it acts as a warning

people

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to people

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not to break the law. Apparently, living condition in the

prison

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is terrible and severe, in there

prisoners

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have to deal with

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of nutrition, heavy work, filthy accommodation and even the bully from

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

prisoners

Use synonyms

Therefore

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, they hesitate before committing a

crime

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when think about the

consequence

Fix the agreement mistake

consequences

show examples

Moreover

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, it

also

Linking Words

promote

Change the verb form

promotes

show examples

the

prisoners

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’ rehabilitation. When being captured in the

prison

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, they are isolated from society, family,

lovers

Correct word choice

and lovers

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and can only meet them once a couple of months.

Hence

Linking Words

prisoners

Use synonyms

have the motivation to rehabilitate and reintegrate as soon as possible. Some studies showed that about 80%

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prisoners

Change preposition

of prisoners

show examples

Viet Nam early

Correct your spelling

Vietnam are

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release

Replace the word

released

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from

prison

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sentences

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because they miss their

family

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families

show examples

and do not want to be obsolethe when coming back to society. Despite the aforementioned benefits, I believe that there are some ideal methods to reduce the number of offenders

besides

Linking Words

prison

Use synonyms

sentences

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. One way is lawbreakers have to do community

services

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service

show examples

based on the seriousness of the

crime

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. Some

Use synonyms

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

like robbery which have low seriousness do not need to be imprisoned.

Instead

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of that, they have to do communal activities

such

Linking Words

as court referral, volunteer work, or service restitution under heavy supervision.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the government can improve the area’s security by several regulations and laws. They might install

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

surveillance cameras and increase the number of police patrolling. It can alleviate the opportunities for offenders to commit a

crime

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and detect them sooner.

Consequently

Linking Words

prison

Use synonyms

sentences

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

not the best way to deter offenders. In conclusion,

while

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some claim that the best method to reduce

law breaking

Add a hyphen

law-breaking

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activities is utilising

prison

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penalties, it seems to me that there are some other methods which can

also

Linking Words

alleviate

crime

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effective

Change the word

effectively

show examples

prison

Use synonyms

Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on Wed Nov 15 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

The essay presents an identifiable structure but could be enhanced by varying paragraph lengths and transitioning smoothly between ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful by offering a clearer thesis statement and summarizing key points more precisely.

Coherence and Cohesion

While the main points are generally supported, the essay would benefit from more detailed, precise evidence and examples, especially from credible sources to strengthen arguments.

Task Achievement

The response is on-topic, but a deeper analysis and fuller development of points are needed to address the prompt comprehensively.

Task Achievement

Some ideas are presented clearly; however, others could be articulated more effectively by refining topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Task Achievement

Specific examples are relevant, but their development is superficial. Incorporating a wider range of detailed and contextually appropriate examples will support the ideas more robustly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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Some people say that the best way to reduce crime is by using prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

`Nowadays, a lot of information about medical conditions and illnesses is freely available on the internet. Is this a good thing or a bad thing for most people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish.

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?