Some people say that the best way to reduce crime is by using prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #prison #sentences

It has become increasingly prevalent for people to opine that utilising

prison

as punishment can be the best method to alleviate the number of criminals.

While

this

school of

thoughts

Fix the agreement mistake

thought

show examples

is valid to a certain extent, I am of the viewpoint that there are still

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

some ways equivalent to

prison

sentences

. On the one hand, the idea of penalizing is beneficial for several reasons. One advantage is that it acts as a warning

people

Change preposition

to people

show examples

not to break the law. Apparently, living condition in the

prison

is terrible and severe, in there

prisoners

have to deal with

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of nutrition, heavy work, filthy accommodation and even the bully from

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

prisoners

Therefore

, they hesitate before committing a

crime

when think about the

consequence

Fix the agreement mistake

consequences

show examples

Moreover

, it

also

promote

Change the verb form

promotes

show examples

the

prisoners

’ rehabilitation. When being captured in the

prison

, they are isolated from society, family,

lovers

Correct word choice

and lovers

show examples

and can only meet them once a couple of months.

Hence

prisoners

have the motivation to rehabilitate and reintegrate as soon as possible. Some studies showed that about 80%

prisoners

Change preposition

of prisoners

show examples

Viet Nam early

Correct your spelling

Vietnam are

show examples

release

Replace the word

released

show examples

from

prison

sentences

because they miss their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

and do not want to be obsolethe when coming back to society. Despite the aforementioned benefits, I believe that there are some ideal methods to reduce the number of offenders

besides

prison

sentences

. One way is lawbreakers have to do community

services

Fix the agreement mistake

service

show examples

based on the seriousness of the

crime

. Some

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

like robbery which have low seriousness do not need to be imprisoned.

Instead

of that, they have to do communal activities

such

as court referral, volunteer work, or service restitution under heavy supervision.

Furthermore

, the government can improve the area’s security by several regulations and laws. They might install

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

surveillance cameras and increase the number of police patrolling. It can alleviate the opportunities for offenders to commit a

crime

and detect them sooner.

Consequently

prison

sentences

Change the verb form

are

show examples

not the best way to deter offenders. In conclusion,

while

some claim that the best method to reduce

law breaking

Add a hyphen

law-breaking

show examples

activities is utilising

prison

penalties, it seems to me that there are some other methods which can

also

alleviate

crime

effective

Change the word

effectively

show examples

prison

Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on Wed Nov 15 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

The essay presents an identifiable structure but could be enhanced by varying paragraph lengths and transitioning smoothly between ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful by offering a clearer thesis statement and summarizing key points more precisely.

Coherence and Cohesion

While the main points are generally supported, the essay would benefit from more detailed, precise evidence and examples, especially from credible sources to strengthen arguments.

Task Achievement

The response is on-topic, but a deeper analysis and fuller development of points are needed to address the prompt comprehensively.

Task Achievement

Some ideas are presented clearly; however, others could be articulated more effectively by refining topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Task Achievement

Specific examples are relevant, but their development is superficial. Incorporating a wider range of detailed and contextually appropriate examples will support the ideas more robustly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

359 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that the best way to reduce crime is by using prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school, Do the advantages of this outweight disadvantages.

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this statement?

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring, and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?

Some people think that schools should use teaching methods that encourage students to cooperate. Other people think that schools should use teaching methods that encourage students to compete.

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income.  The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this statement?