IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing house work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing house work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #house #work #households #country
The chart illustrates the usage of electronic technology and how much time doing homework in
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 in one country between 1920 and 2019.
Overall
,it can seen that,in the started time the
use
 of machines was low percentage but day to day
at
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased and in the early decades people
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 themselves
instead
 of machines.
To begin
 with,in 1920 the
use
 of refrigerators was zero and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sharply went up
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 52% in 1940
moreover
,it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consistently increased and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
90% in 1960.During the 1980 to 2000 used 100%.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 work with electronics was
commonly
Change the word
common
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
houses and
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 and washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 30%,40% in 1920,it was slightly increased in 1940
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50%,
60
Correct word choice
and 60
show examples
% but
1980
Change preposition
by 1980
show examples
 the
use
 of washing machine minimum decreased and in 2019 71% in
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of the period
although
,the vacuum cleaner used during the six years period increased and reached at 100% in 2019.
On the other hand
, the number of
hours
 of housework in 1920 almost 50
hours
 per week it was top of the list in
this
 year after that it was declined in 1940
approximately
Change preposition
to approximately
show examples
 30
hours
 and in 2019 lowest ratio around 10
hours
 per week .
Submitted by rs55169611 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words use, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!