Machines are replacing humans in the manual workforce. Do you think the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?
In our rapidly changing world, an increasing number of
tasks
that were traditionally performed by humans are now being handled by machines
. This
shift raises questions about whether the advantages of this
development outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion, however
, despite there are few drawbacks, the benefits of machines
taking over human tasks
are indeed far more.
The advantages of machines
performing human tasks
are multifaceted. Firstly
, automation signifactly
enhances productivity and efficiency. Correct your spelling
significantly
Machines
can operate without fatigue,maintain consistent precision, and complete tasks
at much
Correct article usage
a much
more
faster rate than humans. Change the word
apply
This
is evident in manufacturing, where automated assembly lines have revolutionized production, reducing human errors, increasing output, and improving product quality.
Furthermore
, machines
excel in handling dangerous and monotonous tasks
, thereby reducing human exposure to hazardous environments. For instance
, robots are widely employed in bomb disposal and in exploring extreme conditions, such
as space and deep-sea exploration. This
not only safeguards human lives but also
facilitates the collection of valuable data.
Nonetheless
, the transition towards automation is not without challenges, including potential job displacement and the dehumanization of work. As machines
become more capable and efficient, certain jobs become obsolete, leading to unemployment and necessitating the acquisition of new skills. Moreover
, the overreliance on machines
can erode the human touch and creativity in some work settings, potentially affecting job satisfaction and mental well-being.Submitted by simranjeetkaur.86.68 on
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Paragraph Structure
The essay fails to introduce conventional paragraph structuring to demarcate the introduction, body and conclusion. Work on constructing clear and distinct paragraphs with topic sentences.
Supporting Examples
You have provided a reasoned argument, but there's a lack of specific examples to support your main points significantly.
Conclusion
The essay initially presents the topic and takes a position, but fails to summarize the main points effectively in a conclusion.
Idea Development
The ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive by further articulating the reasoning behind the advantages and the proposal of subsequent challenges.
Grammar
Some grammatical errors and lapses in word choice are evident. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and appropriate collocations.
Vocabulary
The lexical range is somewhat limited, and the use of more advanced vocabulary would strengthen the essay.
Sentence Variety
Ensure a greater variety in sentence structure to avoid repetition and to showcase a wider grammatical range, which is crucial for a higher band score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.