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Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
There can be little doubt that some people do not know where their
neighbours
 live in large cities.
This
 problem comes from
they
Correct article usage
the they
show examples
 do not communicate with everyone
lives
Correct pronoun usage
who lives
show examples
 near their
house
, yet
i
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can be solved by them talking and buying some fruits for their
neighbours
, they will have a good relationship with their
neighbours
. The principal cause of some individuals do not know their
neighbours
 in large do not
knowing
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 their
neighbours
 in large cities are they are not friendly, they want to live alone do not want to make relationships and they are so lazy to communicate with people . It must be recognised that they should buy something
such
 as fruits or food, give a gift and chat with their
neighbours
.
This
 is true in Viet Nam, where a lot of people go to work very early and go home
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
late. So they do not have an opportunity to chat.
However
, a solution can be found in investing
neighbours'
Change preposition
in neighbours'
show examples
 families going to their
house
 or your
house
 eating meals and chatting together. The most effective approach is to have a good relationship with everyone who
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
 near their
house
. If they have difficult work, their
neighbours
 will help. So, they need to communicate, invest go to parties, by something for themselves.
Neighbours
 felt happy. They will know their
neighbours
 in large cities.
Therefore
, they just communicate and do not research, their
neighbours
 have a bad relationship with them. So we should be chatting and
invest eat
Wrong verb form
investing in eating
show examples
 meals with them.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear structure, with an underdeveloped introduction and conclusion. Ensure that these are properly established as they are crucial for framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not sufficiently developed with relevant examples or explanations. Try to elaborate more on each point with specific details and examples.
task achievement
The response needs to directly address the question parts: first identify the problems caused by not knowing neighbors, and then discuss solutions. Your essay doesn't clearly separate these components nor does it address them comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive sentence structures to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
While some relevant examples are provided, they lack specificity and clarity. To improve, you should include more detailed and related examples that are clearly linked to the argument you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
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