It is important for people to take riske, both in their professional lives and their personal lifes. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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Risk facilitates to burgeon. Whether people should be risk-takers or not is a controversial theory. I strongly believe that the benefits of
this
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approach are valued superior to its drawbacks, Since not only could it promote evaluation ability, but
also
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it lunches individuals on the path of unprecedented
success
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.
However
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, what devastating impacts it may involve are stress and losing recent achievements. There are remarkable advantages in
this
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tendency.
Firstly
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,Those who take
risks
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learn how to evaluate various factors.
That is
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to say, only when people make a risky decision can they learn how to evaluate elemental factors and their qualitativity. Unless risk enthusiasts improve their evaluation ability they can become decisive.
For instance
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, someone who intends to alter their career has to take various elements behind their decision into account, like job safety, wages and job satisfaction of and job satisfaction of new option.
Thus
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, taking
risks
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and estimating ability are two interrelated and integrated subjects.
Moreover
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, the more societies take
risks
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, the more they are prone to experience considerable
success
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.
This
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means, that in order to acquire
success
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, individuals have to take beneficial
risks
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. When enthusiasts make an effort in their risky path, they will be open to crowning achievements in their lives.
Consequently
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,
risks
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keep takers in the spotlight. Despite becoming successful and improving personal abilities, unconscious
risks
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may hazard mental health.
In other words
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, those who take
risks
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seem to suffer from stress and anxiety during
this
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phase as they are aware of the challenges behind their decision.
However
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, meditation has flourished in the case of reducing stress recently.
Furthermore
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, attempts at risk might break the bridge to the recent achievement. What it means is whenever people do not make decisions consciously, they would lose whatever they have earned, especially when financial literacy.
For instance
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, a wrong financial investment may lead to going under.
To sum up
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,
although
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taking
risks
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overshadows mental well-being and loss of recent achievements, it improves evaluation capabilities and brings
success
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undeniably.
Submitted by sh.mariakhan on

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coherence cohesion
There is a clear logical structure within paragraphs, but transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance the overall flow of the argument. It is important to guide the reader through your points more seamlessly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt with a clear position and supports this with relevant examples. However, further expansion on these examples would strengthen the task response. Aim for a more thorough exploration of your ideas to fully address the question.
lexical resource
Your lexical range is adequate, but there is room for improvement in both precision and variation of vocabulary. Aim to use a wider range of synonyms and less common phrases to demonstrate a greater command of the English language.
grammatical range
While you display a good foundation in grammatical range, there are some errors present. Work on sentence structure and make use of compound and complex sentences to showcase a higher proficiency level. Watch for subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles.
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