IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that many countries have allocated huge amounts of budget for
oil
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 research and mining. In my opinion, these strategies are not sustainable and I totally agree that the government should focus more on improving alternative
energy
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resources
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.
Oil
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 is an essential commodity for people worldwide. Over the years, a number of strategies in
oil
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 mining have been pushed by global leaders. One common practice for
oil
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 searching is ocean exploration which costs a large sum of capital, and it does not always guarantee success. Because
this
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 mineral is
such
Linking Words
 a precious economic asset, there are instances wherein conflicts develop between countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Philippines and China have been fighting for the territorial rights of a certain island rich in
oil
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.
However
Linking Words
, given that the Philippines is a financially challenged country, it suffers greatly in terms of sustaining marine protection protocols. In my opinion,
energy
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resources
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 should be redirected to a more sustainable measure. Natural
oil
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resources
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 are now depleting all over the world, even the Arab countries which are known to be the major sources of
this
Linking Words
 mineral are preserving their supply. Investing in alternative
energy
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supply
Fix the agreement mistake
supplies
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as wind, water, and solar sources is not just long-term but more earth-friendly. Solar power use is becoming known to many. It is economical and cost-efficient
however
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, some people cannot afford the panels and installation fees needed. If only the government can subsidize household solar equipment it would certainly address the power problem. Water dams and windmills are
also
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 strategic in giving electrical supply to many houses. It can
also
Linking Words
 generate electricity for large factories. Because of its natural power generation,
in addition
Linking Words
, it does not pose severe damage to the environment. In conclusion, global leaders should realign their plans for more sustainable
energy
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resources
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. Investing too much in
oil
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 research may become irrelevant and useless in the future, more so it creates myriad problems in the environment.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a logical sequence, but more emphasis could be placed on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but the thesis in the introduction could be more clearly defined, and the conclusion could more strongly reinforce the main argument.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, including examples to support the arguments would further enhance task achievement.
lexical resource
The essay reveals a range of vocabulary. However, working on precision and variety in word choice could make the arguments more compelling.
grammatical range accuracy
A variety of sentence structures are used, but there is a tendency to overuse certain structures. Practicing more complex and varied sentence forms would benefit the overall fluency of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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