IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Youngsters
Use synonyms
 should enrol in
contests
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 at an early stage of life because they will develop a variety of
abilities
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 after participating.
Others
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 believe that cooperation is more important, as it provides better opportunities for
youngsters
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 to become valuable citizens.
Although
Linking Words
 cooperation is vital, I strongly believe that being competitive helps to accept both success and failure in life. Schools and sports offer various
contests
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such
Linking Words
 as quizzes, writing , singing, basketball, and soccer games, which encourage
youngsters
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 to learn additional
abilities
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. With the help of these games and tests, leadership
abilities
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 are developed, which are
very
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apply
show examples
essential for a future career.
For example
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, many employers look for candidates who have experience in a leadership role because they can solve problems and make decisions confidently.
Therefore
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, if
youngsters
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 want a bright future, they should participate in
contests
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 so that they learn how to tackle small challenges.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, responsible individuals are needed in the community,
such
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 as doctors, police officers, and teachers. If these individuals are taught how to cooperate with
others
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, they can serve the community better because they have learned to value other people’s opinions.
For instance
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,
although
Linking Words
 every job is difficult, patience is very necessary to listen to
others
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 and understand their problems. The more people understand
others
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, the more they will feel cooperative and assisted. In conclusion, even though cooperation is vital for community services, enrolling in
contests
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 will build them as a competitive individual
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who can tackle problems in their life professionally.
Therefore
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, I think,
youngsters
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 are encouraged to go for
contests
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 as they will learn various important
abilities
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 which are useful in their later growth.

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task response
Explain both sides with more clear links to your view.
coherence
Use clear sign words to move ideas from one point to the next and keep each paragraph on one idea.
grammar
Watch small grammar mistakes and space after commas.
content
Your view is clear in the end.
content
You give a few good examples about leadership and cooperation.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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