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Band 4.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities.What problems does this cause? What can be done this?

#people #neighbours #cities
Nowadays, many individuals don'
t
 know who is
neighbours
 in big cities. It is caused by personality being very unfriendly.
People
 need to become friendly to fix that. To have a friendly society. It
cause
Verb problem
is
show examples
by
Change preposition
because
show examples
 today,
people
 become passive so they don'
t
 active to say hello to their
neighbours
. So they don'
t
 know who is
neighbours
. And
people
 don'
t
 go out to see their
neighbours
 much so they can'
t
 know their
neighbours
.
Moreover
,
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
people
 don'
t
 stay at home
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much, they usually go out to work so
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can'
t
 know their
neighbours
. And some individuals don'
t
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 meet anyone because they aren'
t
 friendly, they don'
t
 stay at home too much. To do it, we can be friendly. And usually go out to see or say hi to your
neighbours
. And after moving there we can go out to give your
neighbours
 some gifts like fruit, food or some cake to know your
neighbours
 and your
neighbours
 can know you too. Or in some events like the Tet holiday, you can go to your neighbour's house to give them some lucky money and some food or we can go there house to communicate with them. And we can be friends or we can be active to know them. In conclusion, we have a lot of solution to fix it. And we need to fix it to have a friendly city and active
people
. And
people
 can have some new friend
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 their
neighbours
 to help them in their lives like helping them buy food or helping them when their house burns.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure and paragraphing, making it hard to follow your ideas. Improve paragraph structure and use clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but underdeveloped. They should clearly state your main argument and summarise the key points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not well-explained or supported by relevant examples. Ensure each point you make is expanded on with specific details.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but it is incomplete and not fully developed. You need to expand your ideas and explain how they relate to the question asked.
task achievement
Ideas are present but not comprehensive or developed. Aim to clearly explain your points with elaboration and depth.
task achievement
Use of relevant examples is insufficient. Your examples should be specific, relevant, and used to effectively support your main ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
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