Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent times,
people
are
consuming food and Wrong verb form
have been
drink
that contain a large Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
amount
of sugar
which lead
to problems. Some Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
people
argued
that in order to encourage Wrong verb form
argue
people
eating
less, sweet Change the verb form
to eat
products
need to be more expensive. This
essay disagree
with Change the verb form
disagrees
this
statement because some consumers can buy it and regulation and raising awareness are more effective.
First of all, when sugary products
are more expensive, there are some people
who are willing to buy it
. When the price Correct pronoun usage
them
are
raised, Change the verb form
is
mostly
customers are affordable and will be continuously Correct your spelling
most
buy
it because they enjoy Wrong verb form
buying
enting
these Correct your spelling
eating
products
. For example
, the wealthy have a huge amount
of money, so they can purchase sugary products
, no matter how expensive it is, they can spend on it
. These Correct pronoun usage
them
problem
affect their health problem Change the determiner
problems
such
as diabetes in which amount
of Correct article usage
the amount
sugar
level increase
. Fix the agreement mistake
increases
Thus
, rising
the price will not decrease the Correct your spelling
raising
sell
of sweet Replace the word
sale
products
.
In addition
, there is
more effective ways to encourage Change the verb form
are
people
than rising
the price. Correct your spelling
raising
Firstly
, government
should declare the regulation about limiting the Add an article
the government
amount
of sugar
in food and drink. All industries and companies must reduce sugar
that
is not exceed
the Change the verb form
does not exceed
regulation
. Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
Then
, people
will be more healthier than before and decrease a
chance of health problems. Another way is Correct article usage
the
raise
awareness about the effect of consuming Change the verb form
to raise
raising
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeded
sugar
content. Government
and Correct article usage
The government
people
in society should alarm
about the diseases that will happen in human bodies. Wrong verb form
be alarmed
Therefore
, having people
consume less sugar
, government
should support and create a new rule.
Add an article
the government
To conclude
, expensive sugary products
do not help people
to consume less for the reasons that the rich can affort
it and a new rule of limiting Correct your spelling
afford
sugar
content and alarming the health problem are better.Submitted by fah on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position, the body should provide well-structured arguments supporting your position with examples, and the conclusion should summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
You should fully develop your main points by elaborating on your ideas and providing clear examples that directly support your arguments. Weak or undeveloped points weaken the overall effectiveness of the essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. Your position should be clear throughout the essay, and your arguments should be relevant to the topic.
lexical resource
Use a range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and effectively. Avoid repetition of words and phrases, and demonstrate the ability to use synonyms where appropriate.
grammatical range
Employ a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to demonstrate your grammatical range. Pay close attention to the accuracy of your language, avoiding errors that can obscure meaning.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?