Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent times,
people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
consuming food and
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
show examples
that contain a large
amount
of
sugar
which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to problems. Some
people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that in order to encourage
people
eating
Change the verb form
to eat
show examples
less, sweet
products
need to be more expensive.
This
essay
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
with
this
statement because some consumers can buy it and regulation and raising awareness are more effective. First of all, when sugary
products
are more expensive, there are some
people
who are willing to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. When the price
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
raised,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
customers are affordable and will be continuously
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
it because they enjoy
enting
Correct your spelling
eating
show examples
these
products
.
For example
, the wealthy have a huge
amount
of money, so they can purchase sugary
products
, no matter how expensive it is, they can spend on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. These
problem
Change the determiner
problems
show examples
affect their health problem
such
as diabetes in which
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of
sugar
level
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
.
Thus
,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
the price will not decrease the
sell
Replace the word
sale
show examples
of sweet
products
.
In addition
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
more effective ways to encourage
people
than
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
the price.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should declare the regulation about limiting the
amount
of
sugar
in food and drink. All industries and companies must reduce
sugar
that
is not exceed
Change the verb form
does not exceed
show examples
the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
.
Then
,
people
will be more healthier than before and decrease
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
chance of health problems. Another way is
raise
Change the verb form
to raise
raising
show examples
awareness about the effect of consuming
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeded
show examples
sugar
content.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
and
people
in society should
alarm
Wrong verb form
be alarmed
show examples
about the diseases that will happen in human bodies.
Therefore
, having
people
consume less
sugar
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should support and create a new rule.
To conclude
, expensive sugary
products
do not help
people
to consume less for the reasons that the rich can
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
it and a new rule of limiting
sugar
content and alarming the health problem are better.
Submitted by fah on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position, the body should provide well-structured arguments supporting your position with examples, and the conclusion should summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
You should fully develop your main points by elaborating on your ideas and providing clear examples that directly support your arguments. Weak or undeveloped points weaken the overall effectiveness of the essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. Your position should be clear throughout the essay, and your arguments should be relevant to the topic.
lexical resource
Use a range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and effectively. Avoid repetition of words and phrases, and demonstrate the ability to use synonyms where appropriate.
grammatical range
Employ a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to demonstrate your grammatical range. Pay close attention to the accuracy of your language, avoiding errors that can obscure meaning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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