Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school?
These days, worthwhile thing. To give an instance, a young worker, who studied hard at school and institutions, will be employed. It means that
parents
give their children extra classes
after school curriculum and at the weekends. Personally, I think that organizing after-school classes
is a hard and stressful experience for kids
, however
, it can be useful for kids
' future. In the paragraphs underneath, this
essay shall see my thoughts about the topic.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why I argue with the following point of view. Firstly
, it is stressful for a child
who studies a lot during faculty time and extra grades will be excessive. Kids
cannot cope with these difficulties and receive given information. For example
, the minor, who studies at the academy for 6 hours, takes extra lessons. His brain could not physically accept that date. Secondly
, additional lessons take the offspring's leisure time which should be spent on the child
's interests. To illustrate, a minor wants to play with his peers, but his parents
control his schedule. As a result
, the child
stays lonely and is an introvert.
On the contrary
, parents
want that
their Correct word choice
apply
kids
receive
all Fix the infinitive
to receive
information
and be well-educated. They believe that complementary Correct article usage
the information
classes
are beneficial and it isAdd an article
a
parents
could provide a job for their son. Furthermore
, today, we do not have pre-built paths for careers such
as engineering is for guys, and art is for girls. After globalisation, there are opened a lot of new professions for people and they need to choose suitable ones. Therefore
, kids
should learn in a multi-educational system. So, parents
send them to find their own interests and hobbies.
In conclusion, this
essay argues that taking extra classes
after school is worthwhile. In my view, it is beneficial for the child
, but, his schedule for the day should not be fulfilled.Submitted by tnteeroo on
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Introduction and Conclusion
You should aim to create a clear central theme in both your introduction and your conclusion, making sure that there is a strong correlation between the two. This essay contains a basic introduction and conclusion but could benefit from a clearer articulation of the main argument in both sections, as well as a recap of key points and how they support your overall position in the conclusion.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates an awareness of logical structure, but at times the progression of ideas is not as seamless as it could be. Attempt to employ a wider range of cohesive devices to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively. Paragraphs should be clearly distinguished with a single idea discussed in each.
Task Achievement
While you addressed the overall task, your response at times felt tangential and less focused on the question prompt. Do ensure that each paragraph is directly contributing to answering the question, with examples that are fully developed and on-topic. To enhance task achievement, always revisit the question to maintain a strong focus on the essay prompt.
Supporting Main Points
Your main points are supported to some extent, but the reasoning and examples could be further elaborated. Aim to provide more specific and detailed explanations for your claims as well as vivid and precise examples that closely align with your argument. This will help improve the persuasiveness and the depth of your essay.