The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

The increasing
number
of obese
people
is burdening the
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
system. Some
people
suggest that the best way to solve
this
problem is
giving
Wrong verb form
to give
show examples
more physical education lessons in
school
programs. Personally, I completely agree with
this
solution and
this
essay will discuss why adding more physical
activities
in educational institutions will decrease the
number
of obese
people
.
Firstly
, Adding more physical lessons will ensure that every student has physical
activities
frequently.
It is clear that
obese
students
who do fat-burning
activities
frequently
such
as jogging, running, and swimming have a higher chance of decreasing their body
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
than obese
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
never or rarely do any physical
activities
. The obese
students
who succeed lose their
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
by the new curriculum will reduce the
number
of overweight
people
and decrease the strain on the healthcare system.
Secondly
, introducing more
sports
in
school
activities
will make the
students
have healthy physical
habits
throughout their lifetime.
For instance
, if parents teach their children to wash their hands before eating something, the children will remember that habit for a lifetime.
I and
Correct pronoun usage
And
show examples
if they forget
washforget
Correct your spelling
was forget
to wash their hands, they probably feel
feel
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
something odd when they are eating.
As well as
the washing hands habit,
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
had
sports
habits
in their
school
years will feel something different in their fitness if they do not do any physical
activities
in a week.
Therefore
, giving
sports
habits
to children in schools will decrease the
number
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
obese
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of physical
activities
. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that giving more physical
activities
in
school
programs will relieve the burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the healthcare system by decreasing the
number
of obese
students
.
Moreover
, the frequent
sports
activities
in schools will instil good
habits
in
students
as a preemptive step to prevent obesity.
Submitted by wynneetanisia on

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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