The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
The increasing
number
of obese Use synonyms
people
is burdening the Use synonyms
health care
system. Some Correct your spelling
healthcare
people
suggest that the best way to solve Use synonyms
this
problem is Linking Words
giving
more physical education lessons in Wrong verb form
to give
school
programs. Personally, I completely agree with Use synonyms
this
solution and Linking Words
this
essay will discuss why adding more physical Linking Words
activities
in educational institutions will decrease the Use synonyms
number
of obese Use synonyms
people
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Adding more physical lessons will ensure that every student has physical Linking Words
activities
frequently. Use synonyms
It is clear that
obese Linking Words
students
who do fat-burning Use synonyms
activities
frequently Use synonyms
such
as jogging, running, and swimming have a higher chance of decreasing their body Linking Words
weights
than obese Fix the agreement mistake
weight
students
Use synonyms
that
never or rarely do any physical Correct pronoun usage
who
activities
. The obese Use synonyms
students
who succeed lose their Use synonyms
weights
by the new curriculum will reduce the Fix the agreement mistake
weight
number
of overweight Use synonyms
people
and decrease the strain on the healthcare system.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, introducing more Linking Words
sports
in Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
activities
will make the Use synonyms
students
have healthy physical Use synonyms
habits
throughout their lifetime. Use synonyms
For instance
, if parents teach their children to wash their hands before eating something, the children will remember that habit for a lifetime. Linking Words
I and
if they forget Correct pronoun usage
And
washforget
to wash their hands, they probably feel Correct your spelling
was forget
feel
something odd when they are eating. Remove the redundancy
apply
As well as
the washing hands habit, Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
that
had Correct pronoun usage
who
sports
Use synonyms
habits
in their Use synonyms
school
years will feel something different in their fitness if they do not do any physical Use synonyms
activities
in a week. Use synonyms
Therefore
, giving Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
habits
to children in schools will decrease the Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
obese Change preposition
of people
due to
Linking Words
lack
of physical Correct article usage
a lack
activities
.
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that giving more physical Use synonyms
activities
in Use synonyms
school
programs will relieve the burden Use synonyms
in
the healthcare system by decreasing the Change preposition
on
number
of obese Use synonyms
students
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the frequent Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
activities
in schools will instil good Use synonyms
habits
in Use synonyms
students
as a preemptive step to prevent obesity.Use synonyms
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but the development of ideas is not fully effective. Ideas need to be more fully extended and supported by more varied and detailed examples
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but lack a clear thesis statement or summary. Ensure that your introduction contains a clear opinion and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical progression and organization of ideas. Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of the essay. The essay currently lacks smooth transitions and clear paragraph structures.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used. Avoid repetition by using synonyms and complex phrases. Also, check for word choice errors to ensure precise expression of your ideas.
grammatical range
Enhance the grammatical range by utilizing a variety of complex sentence structures. Additionally, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of verb tenses throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.