IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society
It has become increasingly prevalent for
people
 to opine that
contents
Correct article usage
the contents
show examples
 of social
media
 focus on issues and
catastrophies
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
catastrophic
 which can be
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to the community.
While
this
 school of thought is valid to a certain extent, I maintain the opinion that
this
 trend still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some demerits. On the one hand, there are some advantages of reports concentrating on
problems
 in the
media
.
Firstly
, it can raise
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness about
danger
Correct article usage
the danger
show examples
surround
Wrong verb form
surrounding
show examples
 us.
Therefore
, viewers can prevent
that
Change the determiner
that problem
those problems
show examples
problems
 from happening in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
, they know what to do to address the issues and protect other
people
. As an example, recently, many Vietnamese social
media
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 about the
fire
n
Correct your spelling
in
 a building called
mini apartment
Correct your spelling
Mini Apartment
show examples
. Generally, it is a small apartment with
low-living
Correct your spelling
low living
show examples
 standard and hardly have facilities for
protect
Replace the word
protection
show examples
 from the
fire
 but accomodating plenty of humans in it. So it is tremendous when a
fire
appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
, and
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
warn
Correct subject-verb agreement
warns
show examples
people
 to pay attention to the alarm systems in their houses and some methods to escape from the
on
Add a hyphen
on-fire
show examples
fire
 building. Despite the aforementioned benefits, I believe that
media
 focusing on
problems
 and emergencies adversely
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. One reason is that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 might
scare
Wrong verb form
be scared
show examples
 by the surroundings. It is because they see channels and programs mainly broadcasting the issues and the back side of the community.
Therefore
, they feel anxious and nervous nearly all the time, even at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home, which can lead to some mental
problems
 like isolation. Some studies
shown
Add a missing verb
have shown
show examples
 that in Japan, many “hikikomori” (
people
 who
isolated
Add a missing verb
are isolated
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and stay in their
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
 all the time) said that they
frighten
Wrong verb form
are frightened
show examples
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 outside world, which is shown on TV and social
media
. In conclusion,
while
 some claim that reports in social
media
 focusing on
problems
 and emergencies bring benefits to the public
due to
 the alarm criteria, it seems to me that
this
 trend
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 more noticeable drawbacks.
Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure, with an introduction and conclusion, but some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and cohesive devices. Improve paragraph structuring and the use of linking words for better flow.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task and includes examples. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that ideas are fully developed and directly related to the question. Strengthen your position by offering more detailed arguments and thorough explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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