Some people believe that students should be taught International news as a subject at schools. Others feel that this would be a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
are calling into question the usefulness of
news
which is widespread all around the world in
students
' curriculums.
While
some advocate the idea that it is beneficial for the
students
, others dismiss
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
as a complete waste of
time
. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas, which will be elaborated. On one hand, supporters of teaching international
news
to
students
assert that the benefits accruing from it are by no means negligible.
To begin
with, it is necessary for
children
's future.
That is
to say, it is important to raise
students
' awareness about their surroundings in order to be a conscious part of society.
For example
,
children
learn about other countries' problems
as well as
their own country and may play a role in tackling problems in the future.
Moreover
,
news
about across the world may help them to promote their sense of integrity. They get familiar with their potential enemies and their aims toward their own country in the first stage of their education and
as a result
, they feel
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stronger about their home and become more protective of it.
On the other hand
, others put forward the argument that international
news
distracts
students
from their own development. The most compelling reason justifying their assertion is that the
time
expended on
news
can be put to better use.
In other words
,
instead
of wasting
time
on
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
at school, young
people
can be taught more practical lessons which may help them to be useful
people
in their nation
while
hearing about the
news
does not make an impact on their lives. Take learning about computer skills as an example;
children
who are able to work with computers are highly likely to find a decent job in the future.
Furthermore
, most of
this
news
is negative and may impress
children
in a bad way. All over the world is full of unfortunate events and
children
who are in the exposure to them may suffer from anxiety and depression these mental diseases will have a long-lasting impression on them.
To conclude
, there are logical points on both sides;
however
, I am of the opinion that young
people
should not be taught about
news
around the globe.
This
is mainly because they can use
this
time
to build up other skills
instead
of getting involved in something with a destructive effect.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

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task response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for a high score. However, to achieve a higher score, you should use more specific examples and detailed arguments to support your points. This will enhance your task response strength.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs feel a bit forced or abrupt. This will provide a smoother flow and higher cohesion.
task response
To achieve greater clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas, break down your main points into more digestible segments. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explored in depth. This will ensure that your arguments are clear and fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay retains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. This is crucial for logical structure.
introduction/conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and provides a clear stance, reinforcing the main opinion of the essay.
task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt directly and discusses both sides of the issue thoughtfully. This is important to achieve a good score in task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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