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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that students should be taught International news as a subject at schools. Others feel that this would be a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People
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 are calling into question the usefulness of
news
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 which is widespread all around the world in
students
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' curriculums.
While
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 some advocate the idea that it is beneficial for the
students
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, others dismiss
them
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it
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 as a complete waste of
time
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. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas, which will be elaborated. On one hand, supporters of teaching international
news
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 to
students
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 assert that the benefits accruing from it are by no means negligible.
To begin
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 with, it is necessary for
children
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's future.
That is
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 to say, it is important to raise
students
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' awareness about their surroundings in order to be a conscious part of society.
For example
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,
children
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 learn about other countries' problems
as well as
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 their own country and may play a role in tackling problems in the future.
Moreover
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,
news
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 about across the world may help them to promote their sense of integrity. They get familiar with their potential enemies and their aims toward their own country in the first stage of their education and
as a result
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, they feel
more
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apply
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stronger about their home and become more protective of it.
On the other hand
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, others put forward the argument that international
news
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 distracts
students
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 from their own development. The most compelling reason justifying their assertion is that the
time
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 expended on
news
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 can be put to better use.
In other words
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,
instead
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 of wasting
time
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 on
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news
Add an article
the news
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 at school, young
people
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 can be taught more practical lessons which may help them to be useful
people
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 in their nation
while
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 hearing about the
news
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 does not make an impact on their lives. Take learning about computer skills as an example;
children
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 who are able to work with computers are highly likely to find a decent job in the future.
Furthermore
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, most of
this
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news
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 is negative and may impress
children
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 in a bad way. All over the world is full of unfortunate events and
children
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 who are in the exposure to them may suffer from anxiety and depression these mental diseases will have a long-lasting impression on them.
To conclude
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, there are logical points on both sides;
however
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, I am of the opinion that young
people
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 should not be taught about
news
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 around the globe.
This
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 is mainly because they can use
this
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time
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 to build up other skills
instead
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 of getting involved in something with a destructive effect.

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task response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for a high score. However, to achieve a higher score, you should use more specific examples and detailed arguments to support your points. This will enhance your task response strength.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs feel a bit forced or abrupt. This will provide a smoother flow and higher cohesion.
task response
To achieve greater clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas, break down your main points into more digestible segments. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explored in depth. This will ensure that your arguments are clear and fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay retains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. This is crucial for logical structure.
introduction/conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and provides a clear stance, reinforcing the main opinion of the essay.
task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt directly and discusses both sides of the issue thoughtfully. This is important to achieve a good score in task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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