IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the environment becomes polluted the causes is garbage. Which do you think has an important role to play in solving this problem, is the government or society? Give your opinion and example.

#people #environment #garbage #role #government #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that the
environment
Use synonyms
 has become polluted and give rise to the seeds of the disease it causes by the garbage. To my way of thinking, it can be both
due to
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 and community can give more attention to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide
further
Linking Words
 explanations and give examples. These days, rubbish is a very important issue that needs to be addressed because
this
Linking Words
 is one of the challenges for the global world. In fact, improper
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal causes the
environment
Use synonyms
 to become damaged and polluted. There are several things that the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to do to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. First of all, the
government
Use synonyms
 can make regulations not to throw rubbish anywhere.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to hold social services and invite the community to clean the surrounding
environment
Use synonyms
, in order that it will become a good habit for them.
For example
Linking Words
, the Singapore
government
Use synonyms
 created a campaign initiated by the
government
Use synonyms
's National Environmental Agency (NEA), which is a long-term effort to encourage individuals to be responsible for their
environment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not only the
government
Use synonyms
 even though every individual must
also
Linking Words
 comply with these regulations. They can participate in these regulations
such
Linking Words
 as throwing garbage in its place
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because improper
waste
Use synonyms
 management can cause the spread of disease
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
waste
Use synonyms
 becomes a breeding ground for disease-carrying pests.
Then
Linking Words
, they must
also
Linking Words
 be committed to fair distribution and accessibility of
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal facilities. In conclusion, both the
government
Use synonyms
 and society need to keep the
environment
Use synonyms
 clean so that the
environment
Use synonyms
 is not polluted.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and effective logical structure. It is important to make sure that your ideas are organized in a logical way that progresses naturally from introduction to conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the subsequent sentences should support that idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are present but they are not effective. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion. Both should be directly related to the question.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are present but need better support. You should elaborate on your ideas with more detailed explanations and more specific examples. Doing so will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to answer the question, it does so incompletely. The response must fully address all parts of the task with a clear position throughout the response. To achieve this, make sure that your essay contains a clear argument, consistent viewpoints, and fully developed ideas.
task achievement
The essay includes some clear and comprehensive ideas. However, to improve, consider expanding on these ideas with more depth and breadth. Your essay should explore the complexities of the issue and present a balanced discussion that covers multiple aspects of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, but they require further development to enhance the response. Be sure to choose examples that clearly illustrate your point and discuss them in a way that shows how they support your argument. Specific and relevant examples are key to a high-scoring essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: