IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
#numbers #incidents #injuries #million #passenger #miles #pmt #transportation #type
The vertical bars give information about the
value
 of
incidents
 and
injuries
 based on transportation categories
such
 as
Commuter
Rail
, Heavy
Rail
, Light
Rail
, Bus, and
Demand
 Response.
In addition
, the statistical number was per 100 million passenger miles travelled (
PMT
) by 2002. In general, the bar pictures shows the
incidents
 had more accident than
injuries
.
In addition
, the highest of the
data
 from
Demand
Respone
Correct your spelling
Response
 for
Incidents
.
On the other hand
, the bar illustrates
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the lowest was
Commuter
Add an article
a Commuter
the Commuter
show examples
 trail for the
injuries
data
. Regarding the highest
value
 of passenger miles travelled (
PMT
), we can see different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
each
Change preposition
in each
show examples
 category. Meanwhile, the
data
 was clear information that says
demand
 response of
Incidents
 reached
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
225 per 100 million
PMT
.
Furthermore
, the graphs
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 for public transportation
such
 as
Commuter
Rail
, Heavy
Rail
, Light
Rail
, and Bus, where the
value
 of the
incidents
 got 20, 51, 76, and 76 per 100
milliom
Correct your spelling
million
 passenger miles
travellet
Correct your spelling
travelled
 (
PMT
), respectively. In terms of the
injuries
data
 in 2002
had more
Rephrase
it was
show examples
 lower than
incidents
 in all categories. Meanwhile, the
data
 of
Demand
 Response for
Injuries
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
Incidents
; the highest
value
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Injuries
.
In contrast
, the number of
injuries
 in public transportation
had more
Verb problem
was
show examples
 lower than
incidents
Change preposition
in incidents
show examples
such
 as
Commuter
Rail
, Heavy
Rail
, Light
Rail
, and Bus, where the
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 17, 35, 39, and 66 per 100 million
PMT
, respectively.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, such".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words value, incidents, injuries, commuter, rail, demand, pmt, data with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: