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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
#numbers #incidents #injuries #million #passenger #miles #pmt #transportation #type
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The vertical bars give information about the
value
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 of
incidents
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 and
injuries
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 based on transportation categories
such
Linking Words
 as
Commuter
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Rail
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, Heavy
Rail
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, Light
Rail
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, Bus, and
Demand
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 Response.
In addition
Linking Words
, the statistical number was per 100 million passenger miles travelled (
PMT
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) by 2002. In general, the bar pictures shows the
incidents
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 had more accident than
injuries
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the highest of the
data
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 from
Demand
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Respone
Correct your spelling
Response
 for
Incidents
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the bar illustrates
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the lowest was
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Commuter
Add an article
a Commuter
the Commuter
show examples
 trail for the
injuries
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data
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. Regarding the highest
value
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 of passenger miles travelled (
PMT
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), we can see different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
each
Change preposition
in each
show examples
 category. Meanwhile, the
data
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 was clear information that says
demand
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 response of
Incidents
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 reached
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
225 per 100 million
PMT
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the graphs
shows
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show
show examples
 for public transportation
such
Linking Words
 as
Commuter
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Rail
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, Heavy
Rail
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, Light
Rail
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, and Bus, where the
value
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 of the
incidents
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 got 20, 51, 76, and 76 per 100
milliom
Correct your spelling
million
 passenger miles
travellet
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travelled
 (
PMT
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), respectively. In terms of the
injuries
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data
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 in 2002
had more
Rephrase
it was
show examples
 lower than
incidents
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 in all categories. Meanwhile, the
data
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 of
Demand
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 Response for
Injuries
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Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
Incidents
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; the highest
value
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on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Injuries
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
injuries
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 in public transportation
had more
Verb problem
was
show examples
 lower than
Use synonyms
incidents
Change preposition
in incidents
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
Commuter
Use synonyms
Rail
Use synonyms
, Heavy
Rail
Use synonyms
, Light
Rail
Use synonyms
, and Bus, where the
Use synonyms
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 17, 35, 39, and 66 per 100 million
PMT
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, respectively.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words value, incidents, injuries, commuter, rail, demand, pmt, data with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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