IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Along with economic development, the environment of the world is being seriously polluted. What economic activities can cause harm to the environment? What can be done to prevent this?

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The growth of the economy these days has resulted in the level of pollution becoming worse.
This
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 is mainly caused by human activities in industrialisation and
energy
Use synonyms
 production.
However
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, there are
anumber
Correct your spelling
a number
 of solutions that should be implemented in order to avoid
this
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 issue
such
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 as implementing strict regulations and protocols and promoting renewable
energy
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 sources.
Firstly
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, one of the main causes of a polluted world is that the number of factories has increased sharply throughout the years which has expanded the scale of production. To illustrate, a ton of industrial waste and dust were produced every day and disposed of to water sources without a careful treatment system
due to
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 cost reasons.
As a result
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, the water environment and the habitat are damaged and destroyed. Another factor is the high usage of
energy
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 in society daily particularly, fuels and electricity.
For instance
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, transportation often requires fossil fuels. Not only
it
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did it
show examples
 cause harmful air pollution but
also
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 led to the extinction of sea creatures when oil spilled out of ships.
On the other hand
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, preventative measures could be done by the Government’s controls on industry policies. The authorities should strictly monitor the process and disposal of factory production to minimize detrimental effects on nature. Apart from that, In order to fulfil the public’s demand for
energy
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, the Government should introduce people to eco-friendly
energy
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.
For example
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, scientists nowadays have invented solar panels to replace electricity.
To sum up
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, industry activities and high
energy
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 consumption could possibly lead to poor air quality. In spite of that, particular terms and conditions and new environmentally friendly innovations are the key to
this
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 problem

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position and provides an answer to both questions. However, it could improve by including more specific examples to support its points. Try to illustrate with precise data or case studies where these issues have occurred and what the exact results were.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical sequence of ideas and paragraphs are organized, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure paragraphs flow seamlessly into one another.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but to achieve a higher mark, try using a wider variety of complex structures and pay attention to collocations. Include terminology specific to the topic of environmental and economic issues.
grammatical range accuracy
While the essay shows a mix of simple and complex grammatical forms, there are occasional errors and a tendency to use simpler structures. Practice using a wider variety of complex grammatical structures and check for grammatical accuracy to improve your score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Industrialization
  • Air pollution
  • Water pollution
  • Ecosystem
  • Agriculture
  • Deforestation
  • Soil degradation
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Noise pollution
  • Oil spills
  • Mining
  • Land degradation
  • Overconsumption
  • Resource depletion
  • Urban sprawl
  • Habitat loss
  • Fossil fuels
  • Climate change
  • Sustainable
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy efficiency
  • Sustainable agriculture
  • Environmental conservation
  • Public awareness
  • Eco-friendly
  • Subsidies
  • Tax breaks
  • Public transportation
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