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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows the results of a survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the club's activities, facilities and opening hours.

The table below shows the results of a survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the club's activities, facilities and opening hours.
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The table reveals the results of a survey which involves the views of male and female
members
Use synonyms
 of a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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club
Use synonyms
 about its opening hours and facilities.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 most of
Use synonyms
women
Add an article
the women
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 of the
club
Use synonyms
 are not satisfied with the range of activities. The proportion of satisfaction with the variety of
club
Use synonyms
 activities of male
members
Use synonyms
 accounted for about 55%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, female
members
Use synonyms
 of a fitness centre constituted nearly 30% of satisfaction with the range of
pastime
Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
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 compared to only 5% of negative feedback from men.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the genders were more in agreement about the
club
Use synonyms
 facilities .
In addition
Linking Words
, most
women
Use synonyms
 gave positive feedback for opening hours (approximately 72%),
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of satisfaction of male
members
Use synonyms
 of the
club
Use synonyms
 constituted 44%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, only 3% of
women
Use synonyms
 were unhappy,
whereas
Linking Words
 nearly 40% of the men expressed their dissatisfaction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 25% and 19% of positive feedback about opening hours were given by
women
Use synonyms
 and men respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words members, club, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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