IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#languages #danger #extinction #numbers #people #governments #money #waste
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It is undeniably true that some
minority
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languages
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 may disappear in the near future.
Although
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 some
people
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suggested
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suggest
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 that preserving these
languages
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 is merely a waste of
money
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, I believe that there are strong and significant reasons why the
government
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 should strive to protect them. There are justifiable reasons why some
people
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 opined that the
government
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 should not spend
money
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 on preserving
minority
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languages
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. Probably the most significant reason is that if a
language
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 is only spoken by a small number of
people
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, expensive education programs will be needed to make sure that more
people
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 learn it. The
government
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 will in turn have to pay for facilities and teachers at a high cost, which might be better spent on other public services, ranging from healthcare and transportation to infrastructure projects. Since the
government
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 is using taxpayers’ hard-earned
money
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, most public policies should be beneficial to society at large,
instead
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 of catering to the needs of a small group of
people
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. An example of spending
money
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 practically is to improve the public health system,
like
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by
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 increasing medical resources and training more talents in the medical field. The
government
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, rather than
to
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apply
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spend
money
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 on preserving some less spoken
language
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, should spend
money
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 on something more practical. Despite the above arguments, I believe that governments should make an
endeavor
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endeavour
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 to preserve
languages
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 that are less widely spoken. A
language
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 is much more than simply a means of communication - it has an indispensable connection with the cultural identity of the
people
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 who speak it, which in turn enhances the sense of belonging
as well as
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 cohesion among citizens. If a
language
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 disappears, we will in turn lose the rich cultural diversity that makes societies more attractive and fascinating. Governments can
also
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 preserve traditions, customs and
behaviors
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behaviours
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 that are part of a country’s history saving
minority
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languages
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 as
language
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 represents the root of a country’s culture. Under
this
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 line of thinking,
although
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 the cost of preserving
minority
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languages
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 is undeniably high and may be deemed useless by some
people
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, the
government
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 should still exert itself to preserve them because it represents a country’s replaceable cultures and traditions,
as well as
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 increases the cultural diversity and the sense of belonging.
Submitted by jothyliu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. It is important to use cohesive devices effectively and have clear topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
A complete response to the task is fundamental. Make sure you discuss both sides of the argument equally and give a clear personal opinion. Include more detailed and specific examples to enhance your argument, which are unfortunately lacking in this essay.
lexical resource
Expand your use of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. Consider a richer variety of lexical choices to avoid overusing certain words or phrases.
grammatical range
Work on demonstrating a broader range of grammatical structures with accuracy. Avoid simple errors and attempt more complex sentences to convey your ideas more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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