IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

A child's character is greatly influenced by the way in which adults around them behave. Do you agree with this? What other factors influence a child's character?

#child #character #adults #factors #influence
The importance of influence on a
child
's character by family or other
factors
 which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that only adults shape the personality of a
child
while
 others consider the other reasons for
this
 trend. In my opinion,the given proposition appears to be more rational.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate on the relevant
factors
 for
this
 trend and will provide a logical conclusion. There is a myriad reasons which are moulding the character of the juvenile but the first and foremost is the impact of the family on the
child
's mind. The moral practices and the etiquette performed by the parents, even the elders have a huge impact on the
child
's character. It shapes the
child
's personality in many ways.
Moreover
, parents are the first teacher and role models for every
child
 The elders and the principles followed by them make the
child
 a responsible and good human being. Moving towards the other influencing reasons, there are
also
 other
factors
 which are impacting the
child
's psychology.
Firstly
, teachers
also
 have a paramount role in children's life. Teachers guide these juveniles and prepare them for the future.
Secondly
, friends and society have the power to turn a
child
 into a good human being.
Last
 but not least, nowadays social media exposure is
also
 affecting these young minds. The way things are portrayed on these social platforms has a deep influence on a
child
's mind, so the virtual world has the power to shape a person's personality in any manner.
According to
 the arguments aforementioned, one can reach the conclusion that children learn basic manners from the behaviour of their own parents and grandparents.
Nevertheless
, there are some other
factors
 which
also
 play a very important role in children's lives.
Submitted by jagdeepsingh3699 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, with a logical flow between ideas. However, it would benefit from a clearer introductory paragraph that directly addresses the prompt and a conclusion that succinctly summarises the main points. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more explicit in stating the essay's position and key arguments.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate but it lacks a full exploration of all parts of the prompt. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and elaborating further on the alternative factors influencing a child's character, not only acknowledging them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: