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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult educations. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie charts shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult educations. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie charts shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.
#show #results #survey #adult #educations #first #adults #study #people #costs #education
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The diagram chart depicts the percentages of seven reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart gives the proportion of how three different
adults
Use synonyms
 people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
cost
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 should be shared. Generally, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 have the intention
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 because they
are interest
Change the verb form
are interested
show examples
 in
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
 more than
to meet
Change preposition
in meeting
show examples
 people. Meanwhile, the individual more consider sharing their
cost
Use synonyms
 of study than
taxpayer
Add an article
the taxpayer
a taxpayer
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the interest in
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
catch
Change the verb form
catches
show examples
Use synonyms
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
 motivation in
education
Use synonyms
 that has 40% which is the highest number of
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
reasons.
Then
Linking Words
 it was followed by to gain qualifications at 38%. Helpful for
current
Add an article
a current
the current
show examples
 job which is the next reason for
adults
Use synonyms
 to continue their study is in 22%,
while
Linking Words
 to improve
prospect
Add an article
the prospect
show examples
 of promotion, and enjoy learning/studying have the same proportions at 20%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, to be able to change
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and to meet people has the lowest percentages of reasons for grown person (12% and 9% respectively).
Next,
Linking Words
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 is the highest part in choosing
Use synonyms
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of each course that should be
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 (40%).
Then
Linking Words
Employer
Correct article usage
the Employer
show examples
 is the next one who intends to do the
Use synonyms
cost sharing
Add a hyphen
cost-sharing
show examples
 which had 35%. Yet, there is just 25% of
Taxpayer
Fix the agreement mistake
Taxpayers
show examples
 who want to share the
cost
Use synonyms
 of each course.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, education, cost with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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