IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult educations. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie charts shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult educations. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie charts shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.
#show #results #survey #adult #educations #first #adults #study #people #costs #education
The diagram chart depicts the percentages of seven reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
adults
 in
education
,
while
 the pie chart gives the proportion of how three different
adults
 people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
cost
 of
education
 should be shared. Generally, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults
 have the intention
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
education
 because they
are interest
Change the verb form
are interested
show examples
 in
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
 more than
to meet
Change preposition
in meeting
show examples
 people. Meanwhile, the individual more consider sharing their
cost
 of study than
taxpayer
Add an article
the taxpayer
a taxpayer
show examples
.
Initially
, the interest in
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
catch
Change the verb form
catches
show examples
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
 motivation in
education
 that has 40% which is the highest number of
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
reasons.
Then
 it was followed by to gain qualifications at 38%. Helpful for
current
Add an article
a current
the current
show examples
 job which is the next reason for
adults
 to continue their study is in 22%,
while
 to improve
prospect
Add an article
the prospect
show examples
 of promotion, and enjoy learning/studying have the same proportions at 20%.
Additionally
, to be able to change
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and to meet people has the lowest percentages of reasons for grown person (12% and 9% respectively).
Next,
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 is the highest part in choosing
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of each course that should be
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 (40%).
Then
Employer
Correct article usage
the Employer
show examples
 is the next one who intends to do the
cost sharing
Add a hyphen
cost-sharing
show examples
 which had 35%. Yet, there is just 25% of
Taxpayer
Fix the agreement mistake
Taxpayers
show examples
 who want to share the
cost
 of each course.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, education, cost with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: