IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that eating meat is bad for health while others think that it is good. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat #health
Eating
meat
 has been one of the most debated topics over the
last
 few decades.
People
 have different views as to whether eating
this
 kind of
food
 is good or bad for our health. I agree that following an animal-based
diet
 may contribute to the development of various diseases. On the one hand, when
people
 follow a high amount of carnivorous
diet
, it will undoubtedly lead to some health issues. In fact,
meat
 contains a significant amount of fat, and when
people
 eat it regularly, it may raise the risk of diabetes which is a health disease.
For instance
, in accordance with Google statistics,
this
 year alone, more than 3000
people
 have tragically died from
this
 illness.
Moreover
, an animal-based
diet
 may disrupt regular mealtimes by eating so much
meat
-based
food
 for a meal.
In contrast
,
meat
 is essential for the human body.
On the other hand
,
meat
 is a
food
that is
 a crucial part of developing human muscles.
This
 is because
meat
 is high in protein, so it can help in growth development.
For instance
,
people
 who consume
meat
-based
food
 can build more muscles, stay healthy and keep fit.
Therefore
 it is good for
people
, who go to the gym with the purpose of gaining more muscles.
Furthermore
,
meat
 and fish provide lots of other nutrients,
such
 as nitrogen, vitamins and iron for the body. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 believe that an animal-based
diet
 is beneficial for building muscle, it is undeniable that it increases the risk of developing diabetes.
Therefore
, in my opinion, consuming
meat
 in moderation can be a more balanced and healthier approach
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the main thesis from the introduction to maintain logical structure across the essay.
logical structure
Try to use a diverse range of cohesive devices and linking words to make your transitions smoother and enhance cohesion.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples and data to fully substantiate your arguments and increase relevance.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on points briefly mentioned with more details to fully develop ideas clearly and comprehensively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the argument, and the conclusion ties back effectively to the main point.
complete response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
supported main points
There is a good balance in presenting both positive and negative aspects of meat consumption, contributing to cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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