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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

new technologies and ways of buying and selling are transformaing th elives of costumers. to waht extand do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#technologies #elives #costumers #waht #extand
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Technology
 development in recent times has massively impacted consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and their lives. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement in two respects, first gadgets likely make the process simpler that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 human's mobility and health, and
second,
technology
 changes will lead to disruptions in industries in order to win the market competition.
First,
technology
thrive
Verb problem
is
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involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in many aspects especially the way
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 act. The
technology
 objectives are to simplify human life, with
all in hand
Add a hyphen
all-in-hand
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 features.
Therefore
, it can make
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
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 on
human's
Change noun form
human
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 mobility.
For example
, people do not need to walk or go outside to buy a meal, just sit,
grab
Correct word choice
and grab
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 the phone, and the food will arrive.
As a result
, people do little to nothing body movement, and it seems to affect their health.
Second,
industries need to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
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technology
 development. The fast pace of the delivery system, easiness
to serve
Change preposition
of serving
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 the products to customers and the way goods
sell
Wrong verb form
are sold
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 and
pay
Wrong verb form
paid for
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 are
an
Correct article usage
apply
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important
key
Fix the agreement mistake
keys
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 to be prevailed by them.
For example
,
digitalization
Correct article usage
the digitalization
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 of payment methods has affected the preference of buyers in choosing the store.
Therefore
, customers possibly opt to buy in more digital shops when they are buying something.
In addition
,
dissemination
Correct article usage
the dissemination
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 of payment
technology
 will lead to irrefutable effects on how sellers sell their products. In sum,
technology
 development causes transformation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 how people buy and sell, not only on a small scale of economic objects but
also
 on a bigger scale.
Plethora
Correct article usage
A plethora
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preemptive
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of preemptive
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to overcome its negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 needed. So, the
technology
 will likely
benign
Add a missing verb
be benign
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 for human health and market competition.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction sets the context of the topic effectively and your conclusion echoes your viewpoint clearly. Avoid introducing new points in the conclusion that were not discussed in the main body.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your ideas in a clear and logical manner. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea with supporting sentences that relate directly to it.
Supporting Examples
Develop your arguments more thoroughly by including specific examples or data to back up your points. These examples should be directly relevant to the topic and support your arguments effectively.
Sentence Structure
Strive for variety in sentence structures and aim for a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to showcase your grammatical range. Be cautious with the complexity as it needs to be used accurately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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