Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.
class
should pay attention Add an article
the class
a class
on
Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
the succsessful
succsessful
Correct your spelling
successful
academic
and Fix the agreement mistake
academics
Linking Words
last
test. Correct article usage
the last
Extracurricular
should not be Correct your spelling
Extracurriculars
lesson
at school since it is better to take up from people beside them. In my view, Add an article
a lesson
i
disagree with that, because Change the capitalization
I
extracurriculars
play a very important role and it Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
student
Use synonyms
Add the particle
to have
have
additional skills.
The biggest reason why Unnecessary verb
apply
students
should have Use synonyms
extracurricular
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
such
as cookery, Linking Words
dreemaking
and woodworkCorrect your spelling
dressmaking
in
that Correct your spelling
is
extracurriculars
play a very important role in the development Use synonyms
Use synonyms
student
. Change preposition
of student
In addition
to important Linking Words
academc
activities, Correct your spelling
academic
extracurriculars
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
students
with opportunities to develop interests, talents and skills outside the classroom environment. Use synonyms
For instance
, In 2022, Linking Words
Government
of Indonesia Correct article usage
the Government
estabilished
an Correct your spelling
established
independet
curriculum with a basic program, namely carrying out activities with Correct your spelling
independent
students
to attract children's interest. Use synonyms
This
program Linking Words
very
Add a missing verb
is very
innovate
and creative Replace the word
innovative
Correct word choice
and build
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
student
readability.
Another reason is that it helps Use synonyms
Use synonyms
student
have additional Fix the agreement mistake
students
skill
different from Fix the agreement mistake
skills
wat the
previously received when studying. The benefit of extracurricular activities at other schools is that they can be a place to train and develop Correct your spelling
what they
Use synonyms
students
potential. Change noun form
students'
student's
Students
are free to choose Use synonyms
extracurriculars
that suit Use synonyms
your
own talents and interests. Correct pronoun usage
their
For example
, if they like adventure, they can join an extracurricular activity for nature lovers or scouts.
To Linking Words
recapitule
, Correct your spelling
recapitulate
Correct your spelling
organisation
organization
Correct article usage
the organitation
organitation
of education should be Correct your spelling
organisation
concern
about Wrong verb form
concerned
extraccuricular
as it is key to Correct your spelling
extracurricular
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
Use synonyms
students
creativities and Change noun form
students'
student's
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that distinctly address the topic and provide a summarization of your opinion and arguments. Ensure that your essay begins with an introduction that restates the question and outlines your position, and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
logical structure
The essay does not demonstrate a well-structured logical progression of ideas. Paragraphs should be clearly divided and each should deal with a separate aspect of the question using appropriate linking words or phrases to connect them.
supported main points
Main points of the argument are mentioned but not supported with specific and relevant examples or elaboration. To improve, include clear examples and detailed explanations demonstrating how extracurricular activities contribute to student development and skills acquisition.
complete response
The essay inadequately addresses the task since it fails to fully develop an argument or opinion about the importance of academic success versus extracurricular skills training. It also lacks clarity and comprehensive discussion of the reasons for the stated disagreement with the given statement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are not elaborated clearly and comprehensively. Sentences are often grammatically incorrect and hard to understand, which leads to an unclear argument. Concentrate on using correct sentence structures and restate your ideas more precisely.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides examples, but they are not sufficiently relevant and specific. When referencing programs such as the one by the Indonesian Government, provide more detailed information and evaluate its effectiveness in relation to the argument being made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.