owadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Technology has altered the way
people
communicate.
Therefore
, it is claimed
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
smartphones as one of the cutting-edge breakthroughs have enabled
people
to feel closer, and the positive outcome is saving money.
People
can communicate easily with their family
due to
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
features to call quickly.
That is
to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
people
just
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
to utilize the feature of
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
for calling, regardless of the place they are living in. In fact,
this
allows them to share online with
connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
emotionally at any frame time. The tools of virtual call
such
as WhatsApp
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
those can
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
with face to face virtually, so
this
advent makes them feel less alienated from
nuclear
Add an article
the nuclear
show examples
family in order they can
greeting
Wrong verb form
greet
show examples
rapidly as well. Having more deposit from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
inventions are the positive one of the result
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
maximizing the equipment. When
people
short out call their loved one
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
virtually, they spend a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
amount of money compared to
conventional
Add an article
the conventional
a conventional
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
.
This
is because calling online does not require transportation
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
to communicate.
For example
, calling along
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
3 hours by digital platform just gains five thousand rupiahs in Indonesia. If
people
bond without using
this
invention, they should allocate their
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
buying
buses
Change the noun form
bus
show examples
tickets spending more than 100.000 rupiahs
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
way. In conclusion, technology has enabled
people
to bond more, and the positive aspect
due to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
invention is those human beings are able to spend less money.
However
, Any advancement integrates
in
Change the preposition
into
with
show examples
it positive and negative impacts. Do
people
consider the negative ones?
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic, but the introduction and conclusion are not clearly distinguished, affecting the overall structure. Work on having distinct introductory and concluding paragraphs that clearly state the premise and summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overgeneralization and ensure all claims are well-supported by specific examples or explanations. Utilize varied cohesive devices effectively to link ideas smoothly across the essay.
task achievement
While the overall response to the task is adequate, more detail and development in ideas would strengthen the essay. Aim to elaborate on points, making strong arguments rather than just asserting opinions.
task achievement
The essay needs a clear progression of ideas, following a logical sequence that effectively addresses the questions posed. Ensure that you tackle both sides of the argument where required and offer a balanced view, supported by appropriate examples.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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