owadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

#owadays #people #technology #relationships #become #development

Technology has altered the way

people

communicate.

Therefore

, it is claimed

how

Correct word choice

that

show examples

smartphones as one of the cutting-edge breakthroughs have enabled

people

to feel closer, and the positive outcome is saving money.

People

can communicate easily with their family

due to

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

provide

Wrong verb form

providing

show examples

features to call quickly.

That is

say

Add a comma

say,

show examples

people

just

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

to utilize the feature of

smartphone

Correct article usage

a smartphone

show examples

for calling, regardless of the place they are living in. In fact,

this

allows them to share online with

connecting

Wrong verb form

connect

show examples

emotionally at any frame time. The tools of virtual call

such

as WhatsApp

allows

Correct subject-verb agreement

allow

show examples

those can

sharing

Wrong verb form

show examples

with face to face virtually, so

this

advent makes them feel less alienated from

nuclear

Add an article

the nuclear

show examples

family in order they can

greeting

Wrong verb form

greet

show examples

rapidly as well. Having more deposit from

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

inventions are the positive one of the result

from

Change preposition

show examples

maximizing the equipment. When

people

short out call their loved one

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

virtually, they spend a

little

Correct word choice

small

show examples

amount of money compared to

conventional

Add an article

the conventional

a conventional

show examples

meeting

Fix the agreement mistake

meetings

show examples

This

is because calling online does not require transportation

cost

Fix the agreement mistake

costs

show examples

to communicate.

For example

, calling along

during

Change preposition

for

show examples

3 hours by digital platform just gains five thousand rupiahs in Indonesia. If

people

bond without using

this

invention, they should allocate their

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

buying

buses

Change the noun form

bus

show examples

tickets spending more than 100.000 rupiahs

single

Correct article usage

a single

show examples

way. In conclusion, technology has enabled

people

to bond more, and the positive aspect

due to

Change preposition

show examples

this

invention is those human beings are able to spend less money.

However

, Any advancement integrates

Change the preposition

into

with

show examples

it positive and negative impacts. Do

people

consider the negative ones?

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Fri Nov 17 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay addresses the topic, but the introduction and conclusion are not clearly distinguished, affecting the overall structure. Work on having distinct introductory and concluding paragraphs that clearly state the premise and summarize the main points.

coherence cohesion

Avoid overgeneralization and ensure all claims are well-supported by specific examples or explanations. Utilize varied cohesive devices effectively to link ideas smoothly across the essay.

task achievement

While the overall response to the task is adequate, more detail and development in ideas would strengthen the essay. Aim to elaborate on points, making strong arguments rather than just asserting opinions.

task achievement

The essay needs a clear progression of ideas, following a logical sequence that effectively addresses the questions posed. Ensure that you tackle both sides of the argument where required and offer a balanced view, supported by appropriate examples.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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owadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Do you think consumers should avoid over packed products or is it the responsibility of the producers to avoid extra packaging of goods?

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than on other factors. To what extent you agree or disagree?

In the fight against crime, police forces and government are increasingly using security cameras in public places. Some people are opposed to this, saying that it invades our privacy. What do you think?

A lot of people spend a major part of their adult life at work, so job satisfaction is very important for individual happiness. What are the main factors that contribute to job satisfaction? What are the possible solutions for people who are unsatisfied with their jobs?