IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people wear more western-style clothes (suits and jeans) than their traditional clothes. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #case #development
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Individuals in many nations select to dress
modern
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in modern
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western
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Western
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clothes
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 more than their cultural
clothes
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.
This
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 essay will briefly discuss the reasons and benefits of it. There are two major factors behind people’s choices. The primary reason why citizens prefer
western-style
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Western-style
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clothes
Use synonyms
 is that
western
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Western
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clothes
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 have suffered a long and deep development, which let them perform significantly competitivity, distinguish art creativity and outstanding function.
For example
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, in China, younger willing to wear T-shirts that are painted with different content. It suggests a way to express their characteristics and individual styles. Meanwhile, the simple and useful function of
western
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Western
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clothes
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 like jeans can satisfy people’s demand well.
Besides
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, the other reason is that traditional
clothes
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 are not innovative. Compared with the assistant development of
western
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Western
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clothes
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, many traditional
clothes
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 are too simple and useless in daily life.
For instance
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, in some ocean islands, the locals’ cultural
clothes
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 are made of weed stuff. It’s obvious that
western
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Western
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clothes
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 are the better selection for them.
However
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, whatever reasons are provided, I strongly believe that the positive consequence will be eventually entailed.
Firstly
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, the basic value of the
clothes
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 is useful and beautiful. Individuals’ life has changed from the previous period, which led to the alternation of the
clothes
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. People are making their decisions on
clothes
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 naturally. What’s more, western
clothes
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not the style of
western
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Western
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 culture but the style of modern society style, it’s
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 necessarily against it because of its culture. In conclusion, the tremendous effects of
western
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Western
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 fashion and the convenience of
western-style
Change the capitalization
Western-style
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clothes
Use synonyms
 lead to people selecting to wear
clothes
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 from the West. Despite these reasons, I completely agree that
this
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 situation will result in positive outcomes.
On the other hand
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, their many
western
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Western
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clothes
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 have absorbed the traditional factors in the different countries, it’s a good way to deal with the argument.
Submitted by kongsifanscnu on

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Structure
The essay lacks a clear structure that logically organizes the ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details. Use cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs.
Task Response
The response is incomplete and does not address all parts of the prompt sufficiently. You should spend more time developing your ideas fully and ensure that the essay addresses why people wear western clothes and whether this is a positive or negative development.
Lexical Resource
The word choice is occasionally inappropriate and repetitive, and some terms are used incorrectly. Expand your vocabulary to include a wider range of precise words and synonyms. Avoid overgeneralizations and aim for precision in expression.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains several grammatical errors that can cause confusion for the reader. It is important to review subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Practice using a variety of complex sentence structures to express your points more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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