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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The rise of social media has affectedpersonal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication
Social
media
's rapid development has had an effect on the relations between community and society
overall
. The writer of
this
 essay contends that the advantages of convenient communication and the ease of connecting to more individuals outweigh the disadvantages of
addiction
. One of the main beneficial aspects of communication via social
media
 is that it offers quick and free ways to get in touch with others.
This
 is done by redirecting calls and messages through a cloud service that costs significantly less to maintain compared to a telecommunication centre,
while
also
 reducing the frequency of delay, with the help of the Internet.
As a result
, those who use social
media
 can enjoy benefits similar to that of a telephone, minus all the fees. From prior knowledge, a well-known platform which is Facebook reported that users can save 95% of their money and save 50% of their time by chatting and calling through it. Another significant factor is that social
media
 users can connect to
people
 more easily. Since social
media
 has become a must-have in today's digital age, more and more
people
 are using those.
This
 leads to the creation of
mini-society
Correct article usage
a mini-society
show examples
that is
 bigger in population than any big city in real life.
Consequently
, finding and meeting new
people
 become so simple that it can be done unconsciously.
However
, there are still a few who are reluctant to interact with online communities as they fear the risk of
addiction
. They argue that
due to
 the convenience, users might become so dedicated that they refuse to stop using those platforms.
While
this
 may be a valid point,
addiction
 can simply be prevented by limiting the time spent.
In addition
, as staying off these social platforms can deprive
people
 of crucial information,
this
 action can partly be justified. In conclusion, the
addiction
 risk of communicating through social
media
 is outweighed by its convenience in contacting others and the ease of finding new finds.
Therefore
, joining online communities is beneficial for everyone.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's argument, without introducing new ideas.
Supported Main Points
Strengthen main points by providing more detailed evidence and examples. Use case studies, research findings, or statistics to substantiate your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Consider both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic and provide a balanced discussion before giving your own opinion.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas should be clear and easily understood. Avoid overly complex sentence structures if they make the argument more difficult to follow, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Relevant Specific Examples
Your supporting examples should be specific and relevant to the topic. Generic or vague examples do not effectively strengthen your argument. Draw on specific scenarios or evidence related to social media usage.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
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