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Some argue that the great way to bring people together from any kind of culture and age are with music

#argue #people #culture #age #music
Some argue that the great way to bring
people
 together from any kind of culture and age is with
music
. I completely agree that
music
 is
one
 of the best methods to bring
people
 together despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their differences.
However
, there are
also
 other alternatives to make
people
 feel connected with each other,
one
 of which is through
food
. There are thousands of
music
 that have been released until today, but only a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 are timeless. There are several reasons why
music
 is categorized as timeless,
firstly
 is because it can be an ear pleasure for those who hear it.
Secondly
,
due to
 the lyrics that still feel related
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
.
For example
, the
music
 band of Westlife once held a concert in Jakarta Indonesia and
people
came
Verb problem
apply
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from different countries, ages, and genders
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gathered in Gelora Bung Karno just to
heard
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
 Westlife singing their songs. It is proven that
music
 is considered to be
one
 of the best ways to bring togetherness. Another way to make
people
 come and sit at
one
 table is through
food
.
Food
 is as timeless as
music
 because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans almost have the same type of taste when it comes to good
food
.
For instance
, McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) are the main major fast-
food
 restaurants. The question is who doesn’t like the
food
 they provide? When it is almost all of the families coming from whole different generations like to make a stop at those restaurants and buy
food
 from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion,
music
 is
one
 of the best ways to bring togetherness in spite of differences that
people
 have,
such
 as cultural differences or even different generations. There
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of ways to make
people
 gather,
one
 of which is through
food
.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are answered completely. Some aspects of the topic are not fully developed or exemplified.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While your essay has these elements, focus more on the link between them to create a seamless flow.
lexical resource
Use a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic without repetition, and try to use less common lexical items with greater precision.
grammatical range
Use a variety of complex sentence structures. Be cautious of grammar errors and maintain accuracy throughout your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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