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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some argue that the great way to bring people together from any kind of culture and age are with music

#argue #people #culture #age #music
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Some argue that the great way to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together from any kind of culture and age is with
music
Use synonyms
. I completely agree that
music
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 is
one
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 of the best methods to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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their differences.
However
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, there are
also
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 other alternatives to make
people
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 feel connected with each other,
one
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 of which is through
food
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. There are thousands of
music
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 that have been released until today, but only a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
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 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 are timeless. There are several reasons why
music
Use synonyms
 is categorized as timeless,
firstly
Linking Words
 is because it can be an ear pleasure for those who hear it.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 the lyrics that still feel related
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
.
For example
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, the
music
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 band of Westlife once held a concert in Jakarta Indonesia and
people
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came
Verb problem
apply
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from different countries, ages, and genders
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gathered in Gelora Bung Karno just to
heard
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
 Westlife singing their songs. It is proven that
music
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 is considered to be
one
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 of the best ways to bring togetherness. Another way to make
people
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 come and sit at
one
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 table is through
food
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.
Food
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 is as timeless as
music
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 because most
of
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apply
show examples
humans almost have the same type of taste when it comes to good
food
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.
For instance
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, McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) are the main major fast-
food
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 restaurants. The question is who doesn’t like the
food
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 they provide? When it is almost all of the families coming from whole different generations like to make a stop at those restaurants and buy
food
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 from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion,
music
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 is
one
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 of the best ways to bring togetherness in spite of differences that
people
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 have,
such
Linking Words
 as cultural differences or even different generations. There
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of ways to make
people
Use synonyms
 gather,
one
Use synonyms
 of which is through
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are answered completely. Some aspects of the topic are not fully developed or exemplified.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While your essay has these elements, focus more on the link between them to create a seamless flow.
lexical resource
Use a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic without repetition, and try to use less common lexical items with greater precision.
grammatical range
Use a variety of complex sentence structures. Be cautious of grammar errors and maintain accuracy throughout your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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