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Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important element in a person’s life is their work. Without a satisfying career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#element #person’s #life #work #career
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The vast majority will spend most of their
life
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 at work and it’s
therefore
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 a crucial part. Even some
people
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 do not care about
job
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 satisfaction. It is agreed that at one point in
people
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’s
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, they will feel lonely and meaningless without a satisfying career. Analysing the benefits of feeling happy
in
Change preposition
at
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 work that could increase
people
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's motivation and
productivity
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 will prove
this
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.
Firstly
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,
job
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 satisfaction is one of the physiological indicators of
people
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’s quality of
life
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. Good quality of
life
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 is indeed closely associated with
people
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’s health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and social, and economic status. It is
therefore
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 necessary for
people
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 to find and work on a
job
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 they enjoy. Research shows that great achievements and the best employees are those who are satisfied with their jobs.
This
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 phenomenon has been observed for years that feeling joy fulfils their
life
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.
This
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 feeling triggers them to have a continuous desire to give their best in everything they do. They are not only motivated by their occupation, but they
also
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 perform a work-
life
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 balance.
Secondly
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, it is highly reported that satisfaction is a key driver of
productivity
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. Career expert believes that satisfied employee is the one who is the most passionate about their
job
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,
therefore
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, it directly affects their
productivity
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.
For instance
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, as it is widely known, Finland is the happiest country worldwide and it is proven by the best work-
life
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 balance performance.
People
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 who lived there could manage both their jobs and after-work effectively. The positive moods pour their whole
life
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 and have a valuable impact on how they value their
life
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 better compared to those who are dissatisfied with their
job
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. In conclusion, it is essential for
people
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 to feel satisfied with their careers.
This
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 will not only affect their motivation and
productivity
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 but
also
Linking Words
 their entire
life
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 to be more meaningful. They can
also
Linking Words
 spread a positive spirit into others' lives. It is likely that the more satisfied
people
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 are about their
job
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life
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, the better of quality
life
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 they have and the happier their
life
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 will be.
Submitted by ambercampbell.xx25 on

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Task Achievement
Improve the use of specific, detailed examples to support points. While there is mention of research and references to countries, more concrete examples with data or studies would enhance the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the logical progression of ideas. The essay displays a decent structure, but some ideas can be expanded upon or connected more effectively to form a more compelling argument.
Lexical Resource
Expand your lexical range. The essay uses pertinent vocabulary but could benefit from varied expressions and a wider range of terms to articulate the ideas more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Broaden your grammatical range. While the essay does use a mix of simple and complex sentences, employing more sophisticated structures and ensuring variation in sentence patterns can improve the overall quality.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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