IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children #sports #second #three #britain #time #period
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
the chart provides information containing how much money spent every month on children's sports compared to the number of
participation
Replace the word
participants
show examples
 divided
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of sports from 2008 to 2014. generally speaking, monthly
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 on
kid's
Change noun form
kids'
show examples
sport increase
Fix the agreement mistake
sports increases
show examples
 during the period,
along with
 the amount of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in football, swimming and athletics. as presented,
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 cost
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sports began
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20 pounds in 2008, and consistently went up just above 30 pounds in 2014, similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
50
Correct article usage
a 50
show examples
 per cent growth in six years.
this
 trend is similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the tendency of the sum of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 players, either football,
althetics
Correct your spelling
athletics
 or swimming. in detail,
athletic
Add an article
the athletic
an athletic
show examples
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 went
moderate
Change the word
moderately
show examples
 much
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 2.5 million
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2008 to 2010,
then
rocket
Wrong verb form
rocketed
show examples
 a little over 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2012 and fell slightly just
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2014.
on the other hand
, the swimmer's number constantly went up year to year from under 2.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 to about 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people in 2014.
besides
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of kids that
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 football
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable from 2008 to 2010, slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in 2012, and
unchanged
Add a missing verb
was unchanged
show examples
 until the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
Submitted by haloalwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: