IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult,such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctic #visit
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In
this
 concurrent world, it is undoubtedly true that tourism has become very popular everywhere.Some
people
 concur that tourism to
places
 with extreme climate conditions has many drawbacks.
However
, I quibble with them and propound that it has many advantages.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my reasons for the same in my upcoming paragraphs which will lead to a logical conclusion. There is adequate evidence of
this
 view which is substantial. The top-notch concrete reason is
people
 get resilience and encouragement by visiting
such
 tourist
places
 They learn to survive with the least resources available. Another pivotal aspect is that
such
 tourists have experience of great flora and fauna and enjoy extreme wilderness which is available only in these
places
 The most coherent factor to be considered which cannot be neglected is that they get name and fame after visiting
such
places
 because only a few
people
 get an opportunity to travel to
such
 avenues.
Thus
,
it is clear that
 travelling to
such
 spots has certainly undeniable merits. What is half full for some, may appear half empty to others. So,
people
 in general tend to distinguish that travelling to
such
places
 is risky which has multifarious reasons. To commence with, some
people
 deem that
due to
 extreme weather situations, it may be unsuitable for tourists. To illustrate, the Sahara desert is an extremely hot and dry place, so
people
 may suffer from heat stroke and may find it hard to get water resources to survive.
Also
,
places
 like Antarctica may cause frostbite and can result in serious respiratory problems. Withal they
also
 uphold that justifies it is in case of any emergency, folks cannot access hospitals because of isolated areas and risks are higher there of getting injured. To culminate, I reiterate that there are plenty of strong factors supporting tourism at these rare
places
.
However
, the contrary cannot be overlooked either.
Submitted by jagdeepsingh3699 on

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task achievement
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, but you could improve the essay by ensuring that your ideas are more fully expanded with a range of appropriate examples. While your main points are supported, the supporting details can be further developed to be more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some logical sequencing of ideas; however, the transitions between ideas can be smoother, and paragraphing can be made more effective by following a clear, consistent structure. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea followed by elaboration and example.
lexical resource
You have attempted to use a range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. Strive to use less common vocabulary accurately and paraphrase effectively where appropriate. Avoid repetition of the same words and phrases.
grammatical range and accuracy
The essay exhibits a variety of grammatical structures, yet more complexity and accuracy is needed. Practice using a range of sentence types and constructions, and carefully check for subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the correct use of prepositions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
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