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Band 3

Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#fast-food #companies #toys #food
A large number of species are whipping out every year, and
this
 has
imperiled
Change the spelling
imperilled
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 Earth's ecosystem in a way that has never been experienced before.
Although
 the protection of animals may seem absurd, when many humans are in a delineated situation; If one delves into
this
 issue, from a broad perspective, one will come to the understanding, that all species are connected in our ecosystem, similar to a chain, and extinction of some can endanger others. The wolves are hunted by lions,
whereas
 they hunt sheep. If wolves become extinct, there would be no food for lions, and sheep would clear all the grass that exists, which can cause a dusty storm. So the protection of animals has a chain of benefits, not only in
favor
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favour
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 of humans but
also
 other species.
Submitted by anayasinwriting on

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coherence cohesion
A more logical structure could be developed by using clear and distinct paragraphs to separate the introduction, supporting arguments, and conclusion. Ensure the essay has a clear progression from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion need to be clearly defined. The essay should start with an introduction that paraphrases the question and states the writer's position, followed by body paragraphs with individual arguments, and end with a clear conclusion that summarises the essay's main points and restates the position.
task achievement
Your main points are on the right track but need to be more fully developed and supported by stronger arguments and clearer linkages to the prompt. Diversify the examples provided by including various perspectives and sources.
task achievement
Although the topic is addressed, ensure that the essay is directly focused on the task prompt which asks for an opinion on whether fast-food companies should be allowed to give free toys. The response should be aligned with this subject, explicitly stating and supporting your position in direct relation to it.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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