IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that a holiday (vacation) should always involve doing something new and adventurous. What is your opinion about this ? Give reasons of your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience and knowledge

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It is believed by some
individuals
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 that adventurous
activities
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 play the most important role when
people
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 go on
vacations
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.
While
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 it is integral to engage in meaningful
activities
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 during free days, in my opinion,
vacations
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 should be enjoyed
according to
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 personal preferences rather than only exploring adventurous
activities
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. One major reason why
vacations
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 are not limited to
adventure
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 is that
individuals
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 have different interests and expectations. By exploring hobbies and personal interests during free days,
people
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 can recharge and relax in a positive way.
This
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 practice allows them to be more productive the next day, reviving a strong sense of satisfaction and happiness.
Adventure
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 always comes with high price tags, which makes it difficult for some
individuals
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 to experience that. Skydiving, Scuba diving, river rafting and other adventurous
activities
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 are significantly expensive for ordinary
people
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, preventing them from experiencing these
activities
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.
Although
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 these adventures can boost confidence and encourage
people
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 to step out of their comfort zone,
people
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 choose to visit more affordable destinations during
vacations
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.
Additionally
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, physical inability and personal fears are
also
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 other reasons
people
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 refuse to engage in adventurous
activities
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. Older
individuals
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 often complain about their health,
while
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 others are afraid of heights and water, discouraging them from participating in adventurous
activities
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.
Therefore
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, they prefer to discover other ways to spend
vacations
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,
such
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 as enjoying massage therapies, relaxing in steam baths, and visiting fitness centres. These
activities
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also
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 help them to spend their
vacations
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 in a meaningful way. In conclusion,
although
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adventure
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 provides a great way to experience excitement and challenges, other methods of spending
vacations
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 can not be overlooked. Since it is not compulsory that
vacations
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 should always be enjoyed through
adventure
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, there are alternative methods which are explored by
people
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep linking each main idea to your opinion about holidays.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Develop your ideas a bit more. Some parts are clear, but a few points need deeper explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Your essay is easy to follow, but some links can be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and then explain it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word choice and spacing problems, because they can affect flow.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it through the essay.
task response
You cover several relevant reasons, such as cost, health, and personal choice.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order, so the reader can follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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