IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates, the percentages of
communitys
Correct your spelling
communities
community
 over 65 and above age in three different
countiries
Correct your spelling
countries
(
USA
Use synonyms
,
SWEDEN
Use synonyms
, JAPAN) in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
conspicious
Correct your spelling
conspicuous
 that all the countries follow an upward trend. in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1940, In
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 it
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 from only around 9% and slightly
increses
Correct your spelling
increases
increased
 to 10 percent
in1960
Correct your spelling
in 1960
whereas
Linking Words
, in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 the percentage was around 7% in 1940 with a slow growth to 9%
in1960
Correct your spelling
in 1960
. In
Use synonyms
Sweden
Add a comma
Sweden,
show examples
 there are some
fluctuation
Fix the agreement mistake
fluctuations
show examples
 and hit a high of 25% in 2040. From 1980 to 2020 at
USA
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 15%
furthermore
Linking Words
, it reached a peak of around 23% in 2040.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, Japan started from around 5% in 1940 which is twice less
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
USA
Use synonyms
.
Untill
Correct your spelling
Until
 1990 it shows a downward trend to just 3%
apptoximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
. It dramatically
climed
Correct your spelling
climbed
claimed
 up to 25% in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2030 and, reached around 27
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in2040
Correct your spelling
in 2040
 which the highest number of old folks compare to
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
SWEDEN
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, sweden with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: