IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s
As the years
goes
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go
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 by, all of the things in the world
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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face
a
Correct article usage
apply
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development,
thus
 making
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 a better place to live in. Those progress are in regard to the growth of
science
. I really agree with the statement that the purpose of
science
 must be to make life better especially
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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live
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lives
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. In
this
 essay, I will not only give a
briefly
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brief
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 explanation of the
science
Replace the word
scientific
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 impact in ending
global
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the global
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 crisis
,
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apply
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 but
also
 its development can be misused
in
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to
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 aim for one’s advantages. There are a lot of
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 inventions, one of which is in
energy
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the energy
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 sector which
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 been proven to tackle
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environmental
environment
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 to save many lives in the future. Take for
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example are renewable energy generation
such
 as photovoltaic and wind
turbine
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turbines
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 to
substituted
Wrong verb form
substitute
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 fossil fuel supply which categorized as a limited resource and has a bad impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the enviroment
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. With the spread of
this
 kind of technology, not only all of the states will be free of the dependence on fossil fuel, but renewable energy will
also
 end the global warming problem and
people
 can rely their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on
sustainbility
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 electricity sources.
Thus
, continuing the spirit, a branch of knowledge should aim for
such
 practical innovation which has proven beneficial for many
people
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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 and in the future. The development of
science
 can
also
 be misused
for
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by
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 some
people
 to gain one’s or
group
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group's
show examples
 advantage and victory. The prime example
Change preposition
of
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for
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of
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this
 is started from the discovery of
Correct article usage
the physic
show examples
Correct article usage
the physic
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Correct word choice
physical
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physic
Replace the word
physical
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 quantum formula by Albert Einstein in 1981
to
Change preposition
apply
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later enhanced by Oppen Heimmer to create an explosive bomb called nuclear
Correct word choice
apply
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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used for
genoside
Correct your spelling
genocide
people
 in Japan especially
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
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resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
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 in Nagasaki and Hiroshima.
Therefore
, even though the aim of
science
 is mainly for humanity but
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
lead to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be misused by some
people
 in order to seek for own advantage.
To sum up
, I strongly believe that even
the
Correct word choice
though the
show examples
 goal
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be to enhance the community’s life
but
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apply
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there are
also
 many
people
 who
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 and
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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science
 only for their own advantage. it
strenghthens
Correct your spelling
strengthens
 the idea that
science
 should serve humanity before anything else.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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Coherence Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion clearly state your position and summary. Make the relationship between ideas smoother for better coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay needs a more developed argument with clear and comprehensive ideas. Ensure the response is fully addressed and examples are relevant and expanded.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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