IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As the years
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 by, all of the things in the world
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
face
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development,
thus
Linking Words
 making
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 a better place to live in. Those progress are in regard to the growth of
science
Use synonyms
. I really agree with the statement that the purpose of
science
Use synonyms
 must be to make life better especially
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will not only give a
briefly
Change the adverb
brief
show examples
 explanation of the
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 impact in ending
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
 crisis
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 its development can be misused
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 aim for one’s advantages. There are a lot of
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 inventions, one of which is in
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
 sector which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 been proven to tackle
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environmental
environment
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 to save many lives in the future. Take for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example are renewable energy generation
such
Linking Words
 as photovoltaic and wind
turbine
Fix the agreement mistake
turbines
show examples
 to
substituted
Wrong verb form
substitute
show examples
 fossil fuel supply which categorized as a limited resource and has a bad impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the enviroment
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. With the spread of
this
Linking Words
 kind of technology, not only all of the states will be free of the dependence on fossil fuel, but renewable energy will
also
Linking Words
 end the global warming problem and
people
Use synonyms
 can rely their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on
sustainbility
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 electricity sources.
Thus
Linking Words
, continuing the spirit, a branch of knowledge should aim for
such
Linking Words
 practical innovation which has proven beneficial for many
people
Use synonyms
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 and in the future. The development of
science
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be misused
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 to gain one’s or
group
Change noun form
group's
show examples
 advantage and victory. The prime example
Change preposition
of
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is started from the discovery of
Correct article usage
the physic
show examples
Correct article usage
the physic
show examples
Correct word choice
physical
show examples
physic
Replace the word
physical
show examples
 quantum formula by Albert Einstein in 1981
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later enhanced by Oppen Heimmer to create an explosive bomb called nuclear
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
used for
genoside
Correct your spelling
genocide
people
Use synonyms
 in Japan especially
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 in Nagasaki and Hiroshima.
Therefore
Linking Words
, even though the aim of
science
Use synonyms
 is mainly for humanity but
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
lead to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be misused by some
people
Use synonyms
 in order to seek for own advantage.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that even
the
Correct word choice
though the
show examples
 goal
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be to enhance the community’s life
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are
also
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 who
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 and
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 only for their own advantage. it
strenghthens
Correct your spelling
strengthens
 the idea that
science
Use synonyms
 should serve humanity before anything else.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion clearly state your position and summary. Make the relationship between ideas smoother for better coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay needs a more developed argument with clear and comprehensive ideas. Ensure the response is fully addressed and examples are relevant and expanded.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: