Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nation in such area. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The living conditions of the poorer people of third-world
countries
are considerably worse than the conventionally acceptable standards. Some people believe that the onus falls on the governments of richer
countries
and I agree because there is a huge disparity in fiscal capabilities and it would help reduce migrant waves. 
Firstly
, it is evident that in today's political landscape western
countries
with higher GDPs have the capacity to spend a lot more than their
eastern
Capitalize word
Eastern
show examples
counterparts. If we were to ever achieve a world that provides everyone with equal opportunity regardless of race or religion, it would only be possible if we work towards equality.
Countries
like Ireland and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom have led several initiatives aimed at
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
of healthcare in places like Bangladesh and Pakistan and there has been a significant increase in life quality and literacy rates. Recent times have witnessed a sharp increase in the number of migrants and asylum seekers who immigrate for financial purposes. As cumbersome as the process is for the individuals themselves, it
also
causes immense strain on the government and citizens.
For instance
, the increasing number of Ghanaian refugees in Germany has led to a general state of displeasure amongst the masses as it has
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
a massive impact on the housing market
as well as
public welfare sectors. A lot of these fluctuations could be avoided if there were more investments and opportunities for them back in their home
countries
.
Finally
,
it is clear that
if richer nations were to help poorer ones build proper infrastructure and facilities, it would lead to a downfall in the number of migrants and create a better tomorrow for future generations.
Submitted by d.karan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you consistently structure your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion to clearly state your position and summarize your main points. This will help guide the reader and emphasize your argument.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the task achievement and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed with relevant arguments and examples to improve clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a clear argument in favor of the responsibility of richer nations.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the initiatives by Ireland and the UK, adds weight to the argument and demonstrates a good engagement with the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear progression of ideas from the introduction through the main body to the conclusion, which helps maintain the flow of the essay.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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