IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Details of politicians private lives should not be published in newspaper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians #lives #newspaper
Private
Correct article usage
The private
show examples
 lives of
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
 details should not
be appear
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
 in
Add an article
the newspaper
a newspaper
show examples
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
. I totally disagree because as civilians we need to
check
 their
track
records
 and
control
 their performance.
Firstly
,
politicians
is playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 vital roles in
government
, public
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to
check
 the
track
records
.
Track
records
 become one of the media for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 because we need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loyal and honest people to handle the
government
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, showing the details of
politicians
 is useful to define the
politicians
 never
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in the case that potentially harm the country. The information
that is
 obtained by
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
 private lives
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the folk to examine
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 these
politicians
 have huge awareness in solving several problems
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 faced by
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. It was caused by there is position in
government
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
this
 awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
show examples
 problem to look for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions.
For instance
,
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
 of
representatives
Capitalize word
Representatives
show examples
 and regional
people's
Capitalize word
People's
show examples
representative
Fix the agreement mistake
representatives
show examples
 need
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 candidate who can represent the people in compiling essential policies and regulations.
Secondly
, publishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
privat
Correct your spelling
private
 life
politicians
 can give
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 for folk to
control
 their performance as
government
Add an article
a government
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. It was useful for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to get some information to
check
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 they do their duty correctly
,
Correct word choice
and, the
show examples
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
government
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 are done
as well as
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 expected.
In addition
, sometimes it can be one of the media to
control
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
assume
Fix the infinitive
to assume
show examples
 responsibility properly.
Because in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 some cases, there are many
politicians
 who
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
taking
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
 advantage of one's position arbitrarily for for personal and group interests.
For example
, nowadays there are many
politicians
that
Correct word choice
who
show examples
corruption
Replace the word
corrupt
show examples
 on state budget to purchase luxury goods and travel
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad. In summary, it was essential for
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
hide
Fix the infinitive
to hide
show examples
 the
politicians
Change noun form
politician's
politicians'
show examples
Correct your spelling
private
privat
Correct your spelling
private
 lives in order to
check
 their
track
records
 life and
control
 their performance as
government
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 to define
Correct your spelling
whether
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 they do their responsibilities correctly
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
While the essay addressed the topic, the points could have been more developed. A more comprehensive argument with clearer explanations would improve the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the introduction and conclusion are not clearly distinct, and the essay lacks a clear thesis statement. Coherence could be improved by better organizing the ideas and smoothly transitioning between them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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