The growing number of overweight is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, the healthcare system has been heavily burdened by the increasing figures of illnesses related to obesity. It is contended that penetrating physical knowledge in the syllabus of educational institutions is the best alternative to redress the case, a standpoint which I staunchly endorse for various reasons that will be elaborated

Change preposition

on in

show examples

this

Linking Words

essay. First and foremost, the offspring needs to be exposed to various types of exercises as soon as possible to grow their interest in keeping healthy habits.

For instance

Linking Words

, kids are likely to feel pressured when they are instructed to do certain physical actions because they will treat them as games with their peers, unlike adults. By introducing these healthy movements to children at their early stages of development, they will grow up remembering the significance of moving their bodies.

Thus

Linking Words

, putting physical education lessons in the school's curriculum is an effective verdict.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it is mandatory for students to attend every lesson offered by the school, making it an effective alternative to build certain natures in human beings.

For example

Linking Words

, not all of the attendees will have a high interest in sporting life, but they will be forced to do so in order to achieve better grades.

As a result

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

several people unwillingly do exercises, as long as they still follow the instructions, they will receive wellness benefits from those activities.

Therefore

Linking Words

, forcing youngsters to move their physiques through a structured educational lesson in an educational program will be an effective tool to prevent obesity.

To conclude

Linking Words

, there can be no doubt that the best way to tackle the overweight issue is to put more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. Introducing a healthy lifestyle in the early ages of children

as well as

Linking Words

utilising schools' mandatory settings are the reasons why formal academic institutions should teach human wellness in their classes.

dandelionandburdockFri Nov 17 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure

Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each part should be distinct and serve its purpose. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be further developed to be more engaging and conclusive.

content

Use paragraphing to organize your ideas clearly. One idea should be elaborated per paragraph, followed by a relevant example or further explanation to support the main idea. The main points are supported but consider enhancing them with more specific examples and explanations.

linking

Strive for a smooth flow of ideas with clear connectivity and logic. Transition words and phrases should be used effectively to link ideas and paragraphs. Although the essay shows a logical flow, using a wider range of connectors could improve readability.

relevance

Focus on fully addressing all parts of the task. The response should be directly relevant to the task prompt, and all parts of the prompt should be addressed. The response is complete but could benefit from more elaboration on the points mentioned to fully address the task.

examples

Utilize more specific examples and evidence to support your opinions and ideas. These examples should be relevant and add value to your argument. Relevant examples are provided, but additional detail would strengthen the argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
health care system
physical education (PE)
curriculum
lifelong exercise habits
healthy lifestyle
mental health
academic performance
comprehensive approach
nutrition education
parental involvement
budget constraints
resources
well-being
strain

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Nowadays, young people are under big pressure to achieve academic success. Some people argue that non-academic subjects such as P.E. or cookery are not necessary and need to be removed from the school syllabus to allow to concentrate pupils on academic work. Personally, I disagree with this opinion. In this essay I will describe both points of view and explain my opinion.
7
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In recent days, there has been an inclination that children are now spending hours immersing themselves in a virtual world. Some people are holding the expression whether this mobile device is a beneficial or detrimental advancement, I am of the former opinion. In this essay, I will elucidate the causes of this trend before presenting my thoughts about this phenomenon.
4.5
band
You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to manager of the nearest private sports club. In your letter • introduce yourself • say why you are interested in this sports club • ask some questions about the club e.g. facilities, members, costs
I am Laziza, a student of your college. I am writing to ask for information about membership in the Leo Sports club.
5
band
Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Governments of many countries spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. Some people believe that it will be better for governments to invest money to improve the quality of life of the citizens. I personally believe that although investing a lot of money on military equipment and weapons helps to protect a country, improving the quality of life of the citizens are more important because it builds a healthy and productive nation.
5.5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people Do you think the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, in some countries, the higher ratio of the youth in their population structure as opposed to the older-age group is said to be sparking controversy. While I acknowledge that there are some pitfalls associated with this situation, I would argue that the main merits are more substantial. Boosting economic growth as well as lessening public health care will be discussed as the two major positive points followed by the issue of employment as the main drawback.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people Do you think the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?