When new towns are planned, it is mportant to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the construction of new cities has increased in many countries. Some people believe that building public
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as
parks
Use synonyms
and
fitness
Use synonyms
areas is essential,
while
Linking Words
others think it would be better to have shopping malls where they can spend time with their loved ones. I strongly agree with prioritizing public
facilities
Use synonyms
in new towns because they foster social interactions and improve residents’
fitness
Use synonyms
levels. Having various public
facilities
Use synonyms
can significantly benefit society. As
parks
Use synonyms
become more accessible, people will use them for productive activities, increasing social interactions—something that has been declining in recent years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, exercise areas can be utilized by people of all ages, breaking the perception that "getting healthy is expensive."
For example
Linking Words
, many
fitness
Use synonyms
clubs charge high fees for their
facilities
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
public
parks
Use synonyms
and health
facilities
Use synonyms
offer a free and accessible alternative.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping centres do contribute to the local economy. They create job opportunities, reducing unemployment rates.
However
Linking Words
, an excessive number of malls could encourage unhealthy consumerism and sedentary lifestyles.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with the rise of remote jobs and online shopping platforms, economic growth is no longer solely dependent on physical retail spaces. In conclusion, I believe that prioritizing
parks
Use synonyms
and
fitness
Use synonyms
areas in new cities is beneficial as they enhance social interactions and public health. For those who enjoy shopping and socializing in malls, alternative options
such
Linking Words
as outdoor public spaces and online shopping platforms can fulfil their needs and promote a healthier lifestyle at the same time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument about the benefits of public parks and facilities. This could involve statistical data or case studies from specific cities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to clearly signal transitions between your points to enhance the flow of your essay. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint, effectively setting the tone for the rest of the essay. The clarity of your position is commendable.
Task Achievement
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, acknowledging the role of shopping centers, which shows a balanced perspective and enhances the depth of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: