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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US

the charts below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US
#show #information #honey-bee #colonies #honey #production
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The bar graphs illustrate data about
honey
-bee groups and
honey making
Add a hyphen
honey-making
show examples
 in America during 40
years
. As can be seen, the
honey
-bee colonies lasted 40
years
. The
honey
-bee groups increased from 4
millions
Change to singular
million
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 to 4.3
millions
Change to singular
million
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 during the first 10
years
. That was the time it reached its top. 10
years
 later,the number of the
honey
-bee population decreased to 0.8 million ( 3.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
). Between 2000 to 2010,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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honey-bees
Correct your spelling
honeybees
show examples
 went down
Change preposition
by
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2.6 million and 1.8 million respectively. It could be noticed that
honey
 production was from 1970-2010. In 1970, America made 130,000
tonnes
 of
bee's
Change noun form
bee
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honey
. 10
years
 later, the quantity of
honey
 making dropped
110,000
Change preposition
by 110,000
show examples
tonnes
. During the
next
Correct word choice
apply
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following 20
years
, a number of
honey
 production
growed
Verb problem
grew by
show examples
 120,000
tonnes
 after that reduced
100,000
Change preposition
by 100,000
show examples
tonnes
. In the
last
 10
years
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
honey
 production fell suddenly to 30,000
tonnes
, just 70,000
tonnes
 and reached its bottom.
Overall
, swarms of bee
honey
 and
honey making
Add a hyphen
honey-making
show examples
 in the US have similar trends. Both of them have declined gradually over the
years
.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey-bee, honey, years, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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