Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address this issue?

People
spend their time in various ways for different purposes.
However
, there is a sense of unsafety among those who either stay at
home
or go out. In
this
essay, I will examine some reasons and practical solutions to tackle
this
issue. Some
people
tend to feel unsafe because they are often suspicious of strangers whether they are at
home
or outside. In fact, in the integrated society where we are incessantly connected with each other, private information including
home
address and phone number is easily revealed to someone they do not know.
While
people
gain incredible benefits in
such
a modern society where numerous technology tools
such
as smartphones and computers facilitate their communication, they make them more uncomfortable with a growing sense of being watched or followed without their knowledge.
Therefore
, many
people
are concerned if they get attacked by random persons who may like or hate them even when they are at
home
or walking on the streets. In order to promote their sense of safety, there are some positive approaches
people
can take in everyday life by depending on modern tools.
For instance
, they can upgrade security systems at
home
by installing advanced tools
such
as surveillance cameras and alarms to report their emergency to a security company immediately.
This
allows residents to ensure that there is no intruder from outside. It is
also
useful to download application which tells users the latest accidents and crimes that take place in local areas.
Thus
, individuals are able to avoid visiting certain places to protect their safety when they need to go out. In conclusion, the primary reason to increase the level of unsafety is a modern society where personal information prevails rapidly. It is now the individual responsibility to ensure their safety as they take advantage of recent technology.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the questions posed in the task throughout the response. While you have begun to discuss the relevant issues, more direct answers to 'why people feel unsafe' and explicit 'solutions to this issue' should be provided.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance the clarity of main points and make them stand out more prominently within the text.
task achievement
Provide clear, relevant examples to support each point made. The examples given are somewhat general and not tied closely enough to the points they are intended to support, thereby reducing their effectiveness.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perceive
  • Threat
  • Crime
  • Fear
  • Accident
  • Natural disaster
  • Personal security
  • Trust
  • Authorities
  • Social isolation
  • Loneliness
  • Media
  • News coverage
  • Community safety measures
  • Personal security awareness
  • Transparency
  • Support networks
  • Community involvement
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