Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address this issue?

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People

Use synonyms

spend their time in various ways for different purposes.

However

Linking Words

, there is a sense of unsafety among those who either stay at

home

Use synonyms

or go out. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will examine some reasons and practical solutions to tackle

this

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issue. Some

people

Use synonyms

tend to feel unsafe because they are often suspicious of strangers whether they are at

home

Use synonyms

or outside. In fact, in the integrated society where we are incessantly connected with each other, private information including

home

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address and phone number is easily revealed to someone they do not know.

While

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

gain incredible benefits in

such

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a modern society where numerous technology tools

such

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as smartphones and computers facilitate their communication, they make them more uncomfortable with a growing sense of being watched or followed without their knowledge.

Therefore

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, many

people

Use synonyms

are concerned if they get attacked by random persons who may like or hate them even when they are at

home

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or walking on the streets. In order to promote their sense of safety, there are some positive approaches

people

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can take in everyday life by depending on modern tools.

For instance

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, they can upgrade security systems at

home

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by installing advanced tools

such

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as surveillance cameras and alarms to report their emergency to a security company immediately.

This

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allows residents to ensure that there is no intruder from outside. It is

also

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useful to download application which tells users the latest accidents and crimes that take place in local areas.

Thus

Linking Words

, individuals are able to avoid visiting certain places to protect their safety when they need to go out. In conclusion, the primary reason to increase the level of unsafety is a modern society where personal information prevails rapidly. It is now the individual responsibility to ensure their safety as they take advantage of recent technology.

mizuhoFri Nov 17 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that the essay directly addresses the questions posed in the task throughout the response. While you have begun to discuss the relevant issues, more direct answers to 'why people feel unsafe' and explicit 'solutions to this issue' should be provided.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance the clarity of main points and make them stand out more prominently within the text.

task achievement

Provide clear, relevant examples to support each point made. The examples given are somewhat general and not tied closely enough to the points they are intended to support, thereby reducing their effectiveness.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Perceive
Threat
Crime
Fear
Accident
Natural disaster
Personal security
Trust
Authorities
Social isolation
Loneliness
Media
News coverage
Community safety measures
Personal security awareness
Transparency
Support networks
Community involvement

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Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address this issue?

Your opinion

Some people believe that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for the country, while others disagree.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people think that competition at work, at school and on daily life is a good thing. others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other