IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people like to buy new phones, new desktop or other latest devices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #desktop #devices
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In
this
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 age, technology is the answer to almost everything, a lot of
people
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 have been investing a lot of money on gadgets
such
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 as personal computers and cell phones.
However
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, the
extend
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extent
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 to which
people
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 are so much obsessed
to
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with
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aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 these
devices
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 sealed is debatable. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons why some
people
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 prefer buying
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brand new
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brand-new
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devices
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 versus
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second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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hand
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 products. On the
one
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hand
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, everyone agrees that there is excitement in opening a
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brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
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product
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.
For instance
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aftere
Correct your spelling
after
 buying a television set from the store, be it
online
Add an article
an online
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 store or
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
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 shop, as you bring it home there is a special
momentof
Correct your spelling
moment of
 pride that comes from tearing off the sealed package, it brings so much joy.
Additionally
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, buying a new
product
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 gives you
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a garantee
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garantee
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guarantee
to
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of
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 the
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of the
product
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 as the first user, there is no fear of unexpected
mulfunction
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malfunction
,
therefore
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, more
people
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 prefer
brand
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 new products than used ones.
On the other
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hand
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, I certainly believe that buying new
devices
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 is an act of unnecessary pressure and pride. Some of these
devices
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 sold
as
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apply
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second
Correct your spelling
second-hand
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hand
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 are as good as new ones, they come from a place where they were loved
treated
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and treated
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 with lovey,
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above
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and above
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 all they
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
 as
good
Change the word
well
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 as
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 once. As we all know, these products can be updated to the latest software, so basically
its
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it's
it is
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 not about the outside look.
For example
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, someone who buys a
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second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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hand
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 iPhone 14 manufactured in 2020 can enjoy the same functions
with
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as
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 someone who buys a
brand
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 new
one
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 in 2024. Moreso,
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second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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hand
Use synonyms
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 are cheap and you can save a lot
while
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 enjoying the same services. In conclusion, the issue of considering
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
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 of the
product
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 whether
its
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it's
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 new, latest or old version before purchasing is a matter of personal choice, and no
one
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 has the right to discourage other
people
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for
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from
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 their choices. Remember
one
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 man's meat is another man's poison, so we should celebrate everyone's choices.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Keep focusing on creating a logical flow between your paragraphs to maintain this level of coherence.
task achievement
Great work on structuring your main points and supporting them with relevant examples. To enhance clarity, consider refining and diversifying your lexical choice for an even stronger impact.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and neatly wrapped up your discussion in the conclusion, reflecting a solid understanding and response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is impressive, with well-organized paragraphs that clearly address different aspects of the topic.
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