IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people like to buy new phones, new desktop or other latest devices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #desktop #devices
In
this
 age, technology is the answer to almost everything, a lot of
people
 have been investing a lot of money on gadgets
such
 as personal computers and cell phones.
However
, the
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 to which
people
 are so much obsessed
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 these
devices
 sealed is debatable. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons why some
people
 prefer buying
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
devices
 versus
second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
hand
 products. On the
one
hand
, everyone agrees that there is excitement in opening a
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
product
.
For instance
aftere
Correct your spelling
after
 buying a television set from the store, be it
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
 store or
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
show examples
 shop, as you bring it home there is a special
momentof
Correct your spelling
moment of
 pride that comes from tearing off the sealed package, it brings so much joy.
Additionally
, buying a new
product
 gives you
Correct article usage
a garantee
show examples
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of the
product
 as the first user, there is no fear of unexpected
mulfunction
Correct your spelling
malfunction
,
therefore
, more
people
 prefer
brand
 new products than used ones.
On the other
hand
, I certainly believe that buying new
devices
 is an act of unnecessary pressure and pride. Some of these
devices
 sold
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
second
Correct your spelling
second-hand
show examples
hand
 are as good as new ones, they come from a place where they were loved
treated
Correct word choice
and treated
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 with lovey,
above
Correct word choice
and above
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 all they
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
 as
good
Change the word
well
show examples
 as
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 once. As we all know, these products can be updated to the latest software, so basically
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not about the outside look.
For example
, someone who buys a
second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
hand
 iPhone 14 manufactured in 2020 can enjoy the same functions
with
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as
show examples
 someone who buys a
brand
 new
one
 in 2024. Moreso,
second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
hand
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 are cheap and you can save a lot
while
 enjoying the same services. In conclusion, the issue of considering
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
show examples
 of the
product
 whether
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 new, latest or old version before purchasing is a matter of personal choice, and no
one
 has the right to discourage other
people
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their choices. Remember
one
 man's meat is another man's poison, so we should celebrate everyone's choices.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Keep focusing on creating a logical flow between your paragraphs to maintain this level of coherence.
task achievement
Great work on structuring your main points and supporting them with relevant examples. To enhance clarity, consider refining and diversifying your lexical choice for an even stronger impact.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and neatly wrapped up your discussion in the conclusion, reflecting a solid understanding and response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is impressive, with well-organized paragraphs that clearly address different aspects of the topic.

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