In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of this probem and what measures could be taken to solve them.

#countries #weight #people #level #fitness #probem #measures

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It is noticed that few societies are witnessing an increased

bodyweight

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body weight

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and reduced

fitness

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among their populace.

This

Linking Words

essay discusses why

people

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's weight is increasing and

fitness

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is declining, and

also

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will shed light on steps that can taken to overcome

this

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problem. I believe that the main reason for an average individual's declining

fitness

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and weight gain is an increased dependency on contemporary technology. What I mean is that many

people

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prefer spending time on mobile devices than indulging in outdoor sports or exercising.

For example

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, attention-grabbing visual elements, and

Correct article usage

the

show examples

thrill

to solve

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of solving

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mystery

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the mystery

a mystery

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by exploring mystical landscapes in virtual games

has

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have

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resulted in prioritizing video games over real sports.

This

Linking Words

increased preference has decreased their predilection for playing

the

Correct article usage

apply

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real sports which leads to their poor

fitness

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levels; and

consequently

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

leads to fat gain.

This

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is because they cannot burn enough calories as individuals fail to expend excessive energy taken through food.

Moreover

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people

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like to eat junk foods,

such

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burger

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burgers

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and fried potatoes,

while

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engaging with their devices, which makes them vulnerable to weight gain. I think that the challenges of growing body mass and deteriorating strength and endurance could be solved by spreading awareness about its deleterious

affects

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effects

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on quality of life. Governments could use infomercials to disperse the awareness about obesity-related diseases.I think

this

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is a good

away

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way

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because they can educate

people

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using public

broadcast

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broadcasts

show examples

For example

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, TV commercials that

incorparte

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incorporate

celebrities are capable of encouraging

people

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to adopt

healthy

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a healthy

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lifestyle.

This

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is why many marketing agencies hire famous personalities to endorse their products.

Similarly

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, schools are another way to motivate children to participate in physical activities because

education

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educational

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institutions play a key role in shaping

future

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the future

show examples

habits of children. In conclusion, our modern lifestyle is

resposible

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responsible

for

increase

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an increase

the increase

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in body mass index and declining

fitness

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among

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show examples

some

society

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societies

show examples

. In my opinion, only if

people

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are more aware

about

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show examples

its repercussions on our health, they can keep their

bodyweight

Correct your spelling

body weight

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in check and maintain their

fitness

Use synonyms

Submitted by rohit.narad90 on Sat Nov 18 2023

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Task Achievement

To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt completely. Although the essay addresses the causes and solutions to the problem, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The essay would benefit from more detail and a deeper analysis of both causes and solutions.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that your essay has clear, logical sequencing of ideas. While the essay was structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, transitions between ideas were somewhat abrupt. Employ a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to enhance the reader's understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of this probem and what measures could be taken to solve them.

Your opinion

Online education is replacing traditional learning. In what ways is this a good thing and a bad thing?

Many old buildings protected by law are part of a nation’s history. Some people think they should be knocked down and replaced by new ones. How important is it to maintain old buildings Should history stand in the way of progress?

Some people think that the amount of money spent on library is a waste as a new technologies are developing and replacing library functions. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how can they be solved?