In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of this probem and what measures could be taken to solve them.
It is noticed that few societies are witnessing an increased
bodyweight
and reduced Correct your spelling
body weight
fitness
among their populace. This
essay discusses why people
's weight is increasing and fitness
is declining, and also
will shed light on steps that can taken to overcome this
problem.
I believe that the main reason for an average individual's declining fitness
and weight gain is an increased dependency on contemporary technology. What I mean is that many people
prefer spending time on mobile devices than indulging in outdoor sports or exercising. For example
, attention-grabbing visual elements, and a
thrill Correct article usage
the
to solve
Change preposition
of solving
mystery
by exploring mystical landscapes in virtual games Add an article
the mystery
a mystery
has
resulted in prioritizing video games over real sports. Change the verb form
have
This
increased preference has decreased their predilection for playing the
real sports which leads to their poor Correct article usage
apply
fitness
levels; and consequently
, also
leads to fat gain.This
is because they cannot burn enough calories as individuals fail to expend excessive energy taken through food. Moreover
, people
like to eat junk foods, such
as burger
and fried potatoes, Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
while
engaging with their devices, which makes them vulnerable to weight gain.
I think that the challenges of growing body mass and deteriorating strength and endurance could be solved by spreading awareness about its deleterious affects
on quality of life. Governments could use infomercials to disperse the awareness about obesity-related diseases.I think Replace the word
effects
this
is a good away
because they can educate Correct your spelling
way
people
using public broadcast
. Fix the agreement mistake
broadcasts
For example
, TV commercials that incorparte
celebrities are capable of encouraging Correct your spelling
incorporate
people
to adopt healthy
lifestyle. Add an article
a healthy
This
is why many marketing agencies hire famous personalities to endorse their products. Similarly
, schools are another way to motivate children to participate in physical activities because education
institutions play a key role in shaping Replace the word
educational
future
habits of children.
In conclusion, our modern lifestyle is Correct article usage
the future
resposible
for Correct your spelling
responsible
increase
in body mass index and declining Add an article
an increase
the increase
fitness
among
some Change preposition
in
society
. In my opinion, only if Fix the agreement mistake
societies
people
are more aware about
its repercussions on our health, they can keep their Change the preposition
of
bodyweight
in check and maintain their Correct your spelling
body weight
fitness
.Submitted by rohit.narad90 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt completely. Although the essay addresses the causes and solutions to the problem, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The essay would benefit from more detail and a deeper analysis of both causes and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that your essay has clear, logical sequencing of ideas. While the essay was structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, transitions between ideas were somewhat abrupt. Employ a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to enhance the reader's understanding.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?