Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some think it is a good way to spend, while others think there are other better options. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In today's society, appearance is an aspect
that is
viewed keenly by the majority. The existence of social media leads people
to have strong urges to show off their beauty
. This
leads to an immense market for clothes, haircuts, and beauty
products. Due to
this
trend of high consumerism, two opposite opinions surface regarding these appearance-centric behaviours. While
some view it as a good way
to spend, others think that their money
should be spent on other aspects
of life. From my standpoint, there are truths in both perspectives.
Through the lens of the consumers, spending money
on clothes, haircuts, or beauty
products is beneficial. It is a no-brainer that those things
will enhance their appearances, hence
increasing their self-confidence. Not only does it help improve one's looks, but spending money
on those kinds of things
may also
be a good way
for someone to rewind. The term 'retail therapy' has become more and more common these days. It is believed that purchasing things
for the sake of one's self has a high correlation to lowering their stress level. Therefore
, it is not a bad idea to spend money
with the means of enhancing their appearance as it might help maintain their mental health.
On the other side, a great chunk of people
believe that people
's monthly incomes should be allocated to relatively more important aspects
of their lives. I do agree that sometimes people
get so caught up in consumerism for the sake of their happiness that they end up neglecting things
that are way
more significant, such
as food, rents
, education, and so on. Fix the agreement mistake
rent
Thus
, it is crucial for people
to take those other important aspects
into account.
To summarize, both opinions are equally valuable. In my opinion, spending money
on things
to enhance our appearance is a good thing. Through buying new clothes, getting a haircut, and purchasing beauty
products, we may gain more self-esteem whilst having our stress reduced. However
, it is just as crucial for us to keep in mind the other aspects
of life that also
require money
. After considering both of its benefits, I believe that beauty
-related consumerism is acceptable as long as we know our priorities. If there is a primary need in life that is
more urgent at the moment, it will be highly recommended for the money
allocation to be focused on that instead
. In conclusion, as functioning human beings, when it comes to spending our money
, we need to be able to set a priority list and have self-control. That way
, we'd be able to differentiate between a need for momentary happiness and an actual urgency.Submitted by writingielts0 on
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Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure the essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the task. This means that both views should be discussed equally. You have appropriately given your opinion which aligns with the question, but the discussion on the second viewpoint could be expanded further to fully satisfy the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on the flow between ideas and paragraphs. Clear topic sentences and conclusive supporting sentences for each paragraph are needed. Use connecting words to show a clear relationship between ideas. Moreover, strive to unify the essay with recurring themes or arguments that tie back to your main opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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