Some people believe that modern technology, such as the internet and smartphones, creates more problems than it solves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some individuals think that
technology
from the modern era, like the internet and smartphones, is creating more issues than it is resolving. I completely agree with this
statement because people
’s mental health
is suffering, and, also
, people
don’t enjoy their free time
as much as they used to.
First of all, modern technology
is negatively affecting the mental health
of many individuals. This
is because an essential aspect of good mental health
is processing what happens to us, particularly any negative experiences. However
, with modern technology
, many people
don’t take any time
to reflect on their lives and instead
spend all of their available time
on the internet or watching television. These days, for instance
, most customers in supermarket queues look at something on their phones, whereas
before this
technology
, they had no option but to think about whatever came to mind.
Another drawback is the way that this
technology
has hindered how much people
enjoy their leisure time
. Passing the time
with modern technology
, such
as phone apps or video games, requires minimal effort but are
not as enjoyable or rewarding as hobbies Correct subject-verb agreement
is
such
as playing a sport or gardening, which were more popular in the past. For example
, in my family, most members had various outdoor pursuits that they did in the evenings, but now, it’s more common to see them sitting inside the house on their phones.
In conclusion, I agree that the advent of modern technology
has created more issues than it has solved because of the decline in mental health
that it has brought about and the resulting lack of enjoyment that people
experience in their free time
.Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of your essay is clear by making better use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, aim to make your thesis statement more impactful and your conclusion more comprehensive, summarising all main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with a wider range of examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. General statements could be improved with specific details to enhance their persuasiveness.
task achievement
In addressing the task, ensure you completely address all parts of the prompt. Expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and develop each point fully for a higher task achievement score.
task achievement
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task achievement
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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