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Writing Samples
Band 4

There is an opinion, that 3D printed food is the best way to feed our overpopulated species. In this essay, both arguments that support and ones, that oppose, will be discussed and compared.

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There is an opinion, that 3D printed food is the best way to feed our overpopulated species. In
this
 essay, both arguments that support and ones, that oppose, will be discussed and compared.
Firstly
, any 3D technology is able to be produced quickly and in large quantities.
For example
,
while
for
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apply
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a normal
house
Add a comma
house,
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 it would take months to be built, a
3D printed
Add a hyphen
3D-printed
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 building of the same size can be made in 48 hours, making
this
 method very popular with tens of thousands of these structures being made already.
Additionally
,
due to
 being manufactured in bulk, the production of
this
 alternative will probably cost a very small amount of money and,
thus
, it would be possible to sell it for cheap as
weel
Correct your spelling
well
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, making it affordable to almost every person on the Earth.
Therefore
,
theoretically
Add a comma
theoretically,
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 3D-made products can be
mass produced
Add a hyphen
mass-produced
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 to feed as many people, as there are needed to be fed.
On the other hand
, the ingredients used for the 3D technology are heavily processed into a paste. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance, in order to convert a raw good into
this
 form, it needs to undergo a very high pressure and temperature.
This
 may eliminate most of the nutrients, making the manufactured food nutritionally obsolete in comparison to non-processed alternatives.
Therefore
, if a person
will eat
Wrong verb form
eats
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 only 3D-made dishes, they are likely going to end up being
malnutritioned
Correct your spelling
malnourished
.
Furthermore
, if a child will not receive enough vitamins, proteins, fats and other
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for growth nutrients, their body will not develop properly,
for example
, they may end up being shorter than potentially could have ended up being.
Overall
, I do not consider
3D printed
Add a hyphen
3D-printed
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 goods as being the best way to solve the potential world hunger.
Although
 I do not deny that it is possible to feed everyone on our planet with only
this
 method, the solution is very likely going to create another problem - global malnutrition which may result in horrible consequences that may
last
 for generations.
Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structural progression, and you should aim to improve this by better organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
You must ensure that both your introduction and your conclusion are present and clearly articulated, with the conclusion summarizing the main points and restating your position in a concise manner.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need to be better supported by specific examples and evidence. Expand on your assertions by providing detailed, relevant examples that reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, the essay needs to provide a more complete response to the question by fully exploring the implications and consequences of the issue at hand, as well as proposing potential solutions or alternatives where relevant.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be presented more clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that each point is fully explained and well-developed to demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, include relevant and specific examples that illustrate and support your points about 3D printed food. Avoid general statements and instead provide concrete evidence or scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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