IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

One problem faced by almost every large developing city is gridlock. What do you think the causes are? What solutions can you suggest?

#city #gridlock
There is no doubt that traffic congestion is becoming a particularly worrying issue in mega-cities all over the world.
Although
this
 scenario has resulted from the increasing number of
car
 users, hope can be found in the form of taxation and encouraging alternative travel. The most notable factor of the increase in
car
 use is the rise in disposable income.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that when cities develop quickly, the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 situation of its citizens
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
,
hence
 buying a
car
 as a status symbol to display
this
 newfound wealth. In
this
 environment, it is not difficult to see why roads become congested, resulting in a difficult dilemma for the relevant authorities. Saigon is a relatable example here, where
car
 use has quadrupled in the
last
 five years, thanks to strong economic development, which has put a strain on
city
 roads. A way of tackling the issue of congestion is to impose tax on personal
car
 use, whilst simultaneously promoting an inner-
city
 bike scheme.
This
 would work by collecting taxes through a
city
car
 permit for the former and collaborating with businesses, to offer benefits for push-bike users for the latter.
As a result
 of these actions, the authorities should see a reduction in non-essential travel within the
city
 limits. Another benefit is that
this
 will help raise capital for public metro systems,
as well as
,
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the air quality of the
city
.
Therefore
, jammed roads
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the outcome of increased
car
 usage by new
car
 owners.
However
, action can be taken in the form of implementing
car
 permits and a push-bike scheme, to alleviate the aforementioned issue.
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Task Achievement
Ensure a broader range of specific examples and data to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
In your introduction, try to directly address the question by stating the causes and solutions you will discuss. This will increase the clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
A varied and precise use of vocabulary related to the topic can enhance the quality of your essay. Make an effort to incorporate this.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban sprawl
  • Congestion
  • Infrastructure
  • Public transport
  • Mass transit systems
  • Sustainable mobility
  • Carpooling
  • Traffic enforcement
  • Commuter patterns
  • Emission regulations
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