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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
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An increasing number of individuals today do not know the main purpose of the celebrations of traditional or religious festivals and treat them as an opportunity to have fun.
Although
 some people opine that the modern generation celebrates festivals to enjoy those moments, I believe there are still few communities in society who understand the meaning of traditional or religious festivities. On the one hand, the majority of the population is addicted to technological gadgets, and it is
also
 creating an impact on their lifestyle. To justify it, the culture of Western countries attracts youngsters through the influence of social media, and it impacts their own ethics and values.
Moreover
, working as an employee in the corporate world makes their schedule very hectic compared to their elders; so they do not have enough time to learn about traditional or religious celebrations.
On the other hand
, in my perspective, families from different communities who are migrating to other countries always bring their religious festivities with them.
For instance
, Indians who are living in countries like Canada, England, and America
also
 celebrate a religious ceremony with proper rituals.
Furthermore
, the family
also
 plays a significant role in passing down knowledge about religious and traditional celebrations to the next generation by bringing their children to religious places to teach them the importance of each festival and tradition. In conclusion, people generally prefer to enjoy themselves during the festival seasons, but there are still some individuals who are aware of the meaning of the tradition.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Work on developing main points with further analysis or commentary to add depth to the argument. Each main idea should be expanded upon with more detailed explanations or insights.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by ensuring a balanced discussion of both views when addressing 'agree or disagree' topics. Clearly state your position throughout the essay, and maintain it consistently.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will illustrate your arguments more convincingly and engage the reader.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are fully developed. These should bookend the essay, providing a clear introduction to the topic and a strong, summarizing conclusion that reflects your overall stance.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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